o hear you say it again."

She noticed that her admonition was carefully heeded. Then on Sunday
evening, about two weeks later, the mother inquired what the day's
lesson had been about. "Why, mother," was Ann's answer, "it was about
when our Lord was tempted by the--by--by--the--the _gentleman that
keeps hell!_"

Young William was evincing much interest in the evening paper, but
finally a puzzled look came over his countenance.

"Mother," said he, finally, "what does D--d stand for?"

"Doctor of Divinity, my son. Don't they teach you the common
abbreviations in school?"

"Sure; but that don't seem to sound right here."

"Read it out aloud."

"WITNESS: I heard the defendant say, I'll make you suffer for this.
I'll be doctor of divinity if I don't!'"

"Say, Sam, why do you-all carry that parrot around with you on the
wagon?"

"Well, yo' see, boss, I'se a membah of the chu'ch, but de mule ain't,
so I hauls the pa'ot to fu'nish the cussin' fo' de mule."

FATHER--"I'm ashamed to see you crying because a bee stung you. Act
like a man."

BOBBIE--"Y-yes, and th-then you-you'd gim-me a li-lickin', like you
s-said y-you would i-if yon ever h-heard m-me usin' that k-kind of
l-language."

PROFESSIONS

An ambitious young man went to a university professor and said:
"Sir, I desire a course of training which will fit me to become the
superintendent of a great railway system. How much will such a course
cost, and how long will it take?"

"Young man," replied the professor, "such a course would cost you
twenty thousand dollars, and require twenty years of your time. But,
on the other hand, by spending three hundred dollars of your money and
three months of your time you may be elected to Congress. Once there
you will feel yourself competent to direct not one but all the great
railroad systems of our country."

The reform warden always made it a point to give each new arrival a
chance to do the work with which he was familiar, if the penitentiary
dealt in his line. A tailor named Levinski arrived, and it was ordered
that he be employed at that trade, if there was an opening. There
wasn't. He was asked if he was adept at anything else. "Yes," he
replied, with a smile, "I am a crackerjack traveling salesman."

PROFITEERS

The wicked garage-keeper was trying to figure out his income tax.

"If a man brings his car to me to be repaired, and it costs me sixty
cents, and I charge him sixteen doll