"

"Look here, old man," was the reply, "I would like you to understand
that I shall keep up with the procession if it kills the horse!"

INQUIRER (at South Station)--"Where does this train go?"

BRAKEMAN--"This train goes to New York in ten minutes."

INQUIRER--"Goodness! That's going some!"

With but three minutes to catch his train, the traveling salesman
inquired of the street-car conductor, "Can't you go faster than this?"

"Yes," the bell-ringer replied, "but I have to stay with my car."

"I was out over the speedway today, and in thirty seconds I did a mile
in four laps."

"That's nothing. I know a young lady who did thirty miles in one
lap, and she would have done more if I hadn't got a cramp in my
knees."--_Puck_.

A negro was on the stand in an Alabama courthouse testifying to the
details of a shooting scrape. The witness told how the prisoner at
the bar drew a revolver and began firing at one George Henry, and how
Henry ran to save himself.

"You say Henry ran?" interjected the lawyer for the defense.

"Dat's whut I said."

"You are sure he ran?"

"Sho" is!"

"Well, did he run fast?"

"Did he run fa--Say, boss, ef dat nigger had o' had one feather in his
hand he'd o' flew."

SPELLING

If an S and an I, and an O and a U,
With an X at the end spell "su,"
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then if an S and an I and a G
And an H E D spell "side,"
There's nothing much for a speller to do
But go commit siouxeyesighed.

A Chicago man was walking through a foreign quarter of his city when,
with an amused smile, he stopped in front of a small eating-place, on
the window of which was painted in white, "Lam Stew."

Now the proprietor happened to be standing in the doorway, and when he
saw the smile of the gentleman who had stopped in front of his place
he asked to be favored with an explanation of the joke.

Whereupon the other explained about the missing "b" in "lamb," and
the proprietor accepted the correction in good part, at the same time
expressing his thanks.

When next the Chicago man passed that restaurant he found that the
menu had been changed, but that the lesson in orthography had not
been forgotten. The proprietor was now offering "Clamb Chowder."
--_Harper's_.

"The spelling-book's all wrong, mama! It don't look right for a little
thing like a kitten to have six letters and a big cat to only have
thr