live, or die
an' go to heaven?"

"Ah'd rather live."

"Why, Liza White, yo' scan'lous chile! Sunday-school hain't done yo'
no good'tall!"--_Life_.

JIMMIE AND BOBBIE--"Mother I don't mind going to Sunday school any
other day, but it just spoils Sunday."

Little Raymond returned home from Sunday school in a very joyous
mood. "Oh, mother," he exclaimed as he entered the house, "the
superintendent said something awfully nice about me in his prayer this
morning!"

"Isn't that lovely! What did he say, pet?" questioned the mother.

"He said, 'O Lord, we thank thee for our food and Raymond.'"

SUPERSTITION

MRS. WIGGS--"Is Billy sick, Mrs. Skinner?"

MRS. SKINNER--"Well, 'e ain't exactly sick, but no stummick can stand
thirteen buns! It's an unlucky number."-_Puck_.

"And you wouldn't begin a journey on Friday?"

"Not I."

"I can't understand how you can have faith in such a silly
superstition."

"No superstition about it. Saturday's my pay day."

SURPRISE

"Do you think Gladys was surprised when I proposed to her?" inquired
the happy youth.

"About as surprised," answered Miss Cayenne, "as a candidate who has
received formal notification that he has been nominated."

Boss entering his factory caught two of his employees shooting craps
during working hours. "Oh! what is the matter with you?"

"Well boss, I can't help it, you see you got rubber heels."

SYMPATHY

BEGGAR--"I haven't tasted food for a month."

DYSPEPTIC--"You ain't missing much. It's the same old taste."

Every seat was occupied, when a group of women got in. The conductor
noticed a man who he thought was asleep.

"Wake up!" shouted the conductor.

"I wasn't asleep," said the passenger.

"Not asleep! Then what did you have your eyes closed for?"

"It was because of the crowded condition of the car," explained the
passenger. "I hate to see the women standing."

SYNONYMS

TEACHER--"Hawkins, what is a synonym?"

HAWKINS--"Please, sir, it's a word you use in place of another when
you cannot spell the other one."

TACT

"I must say these are fine biscuits!" exclaimed the young husband.

"How could you say those are fine biscuits?" inquired the young wife's
mother, in a private interview.

"I didn't say they were fine. I merely said I must say so."

Johnny liked ice-cream, but he drew the line at turning the freezer.
One day when his mother returned home she was agreeably