what would he get if he worked ten hours a day?"

JOHNNY--"Ten hours a day? He'd get a call-down from de union."

"What are you doin' of, James?"

"Sharpenin' a bit o' pencil."

"You'll 'ave the Union after you, me lad. That's a carpenter's job,"

TRAMPS

TRAMP--"Madam, I was at the front--"

KIND-HEARTED LADY--"My poor man. Another victim of that terrible war.
Here's a dollar. Tell me how you got into these straits."

TRAMP-"I was going to say that I was at the front door an' nobody
answered, so I came around to the back. Thankee, mum."

MRS. SUBBUBS (to tramp)--"Out of work, are you? Then you're just in
time. I've a cord of wood to be cut up and I was just going to send
for a man to do it."

TRAMP--"That so, mum? Where does he live? I'll go and get him."

BOXCAR HARRY--"Beg pardon, ma'am, but do you happen to have some pie
or cake that you could spare an unfortunate wanderer?"

LADY OF THE HOUSE--"No, I'm afraid not. Wouldn't some bread and butter
do?"

BOXCAR HARRY--"As a general rule it would, ma'am; but, you see, this
is my birthday."

TRAVELERS

A party of tourists were going through a small town, having the time
of their lives, laughing and joking. One of them thought she would
have some fun, and called to a little girl standing near, "Are there
any shows in town?" To which the little girl answered, "Only the one
you people are making."

The value of travel oftentimes depends upon who travels.

Mrs. Williams, who had recently returned from abroad, was attending an
afternoon tea given in her honor.

"And did you actually go to Rome?" asked the hostess.

"I really don't know, my dear," replied Mrs. Williams. "You see, my
husband always bought the tickets."

_See also_ Americans; Destination.

TREES

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's most flowing breast.

A tree that looks at God all day
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

--_Joyce Kilmer_.

TRENCHES

CHEERFUL ONE (to newcomer, on being asked what the trenches are
like)--"If yer stands up yer get sniped; if yer keeps down yer gets
drowned; if yer moves about yer gets shelled; and if yer stands