ars yesterday!"

"Paw, what's the longest period of time?"

"From one pay-day to the next."

CALLER--"Is your mother at home, Elsie?"

CHILD OF BUSY WAR WORKER--"Goodness, no! She won't be at home
today until about Saturday. Why, she hasn't got home yesterday
yet."--_Life_.

FIRST LOAFER--"I 'ear all the men 'ave gone on strike."

SECOND LOAFER--"Wat 'ave they struck for?"

FIRST LOAFER--"Shorter hours."

SECOND LOAFER--"I always said as 'ow sixty minutes was too long for an
hour."

"Time is precious," said the parson.

"It is, indeed," rejoined the business man, "and I've wasted an awful
lot of it."

"By indulging in foolish pleasures, I suppose?" suggested the good
man.

"Not exactly," replied the other. "I wasted most of it by being
punctual in keeping my appointments with others."

_See also_ Daylight saving.

TIPS

The sailor had been showing the lady visitor over the ship. In
thanking him she said:

"I see that by the rules of your ship tips are forbidden."

"Lor' bless yer 'eart, ma'am," replied Jack, "so were the apples in
the Garden of Eden."

Tipping is said to be due to public weakness and it is also due to the
desire to have luncheon served in time for dinner.

LUNCHER--"Look here, waiter, I'm very sorry, but I've only just
sufficient money with me to pay the bill, and nothing left for a tip
for you."

WAITER (confidently)--"Would you mind just letting me 'ave another
look at the bill, sir?"

He was dining alone and had much time to puzzle over an unusual
phenomenon he had noted.

"Why is it, Sam," he said, addressing the waiter, "that poor men
usually give larger tips than rich men?"

"Well, suh," rejoined the woolly-headed knight of the napkins
meditatively, "looks to me like de po' man don't want nobody to find
out he's po' an' de rich man don't want nobody to find out he's rich."

"What's the difference between valor and discretion?"

"Well, to go to a swell restaurant without tipping the waiter would be
valor."

"I see. And discretion?"

"That would be to dine at a different restaurant the next day."

TOURISTS _See_ Travelers.

TRADE

When they beat their swords into plowshares, the next move is to beat
their competitors into foreign markets.

TRADE MARKS

Most of the wrinkles in a business man's face are trademarks.

TRADE UNIONS

TEACHER--"If a man gets four dollars for working eight hours a day,