To make ends meet--
Ye gods! To make ends meet!

--_Anne Alfreda Mellish_.

Sign on butcher shop reads, "Tongue 48 cents, Brains 33 cents." Some
one remarks that this proportion of payment is quite often the case.

A downtown merchant, while engaged in the office the other morning,
discovered that he had left his pocket knife at home and, as he needed
one urgently, he asked the different clerks, but none of them happened
to have one. Finally the errand boy hustled in and the merchant called
him, asking if he was able to produce the desired article. Jimmy
handed over his "pigsticker."

"How is it, Jimmy, that you alone out of my entire staff seem to have
a pocketknife with you?" smiled the proprietor, eyeing Jimmy with
undisguised admiration.

"Dunno, sir," replied the youth, "unless it's because my wages are so
low that I can't afford more'n one pair of pants."

FIRST LABORING MAN--"Wot's a minimum wage, Albert?"

SECOND DITTO--"Wot yer gets for goin' to yer work. If yer wants ter
make a bit more yer does a bit o' work for it."_--Punch_.

The workman was busily employed by the roadside, and the wayfarer
paused to inquire, "What are you digging for?" The workman looked up.

"Money,"' he replied.

"Money! And when do you expect to strike it, my good man?"

"On Saturday!" replied the other, and resumed operations.

WAR

Some nations were fighting fiercely.

"Why are you fighting so?" inquired the bystanders, moved at length to
curiosity.

"To save civilization!" replied the nations severally.

Here a draggled figure rose from the mire under the feet of the
combatants and limped lamely away.

"And who are you?" asked the bystanders, with a disposition to get to
the bottom of the matter.

"Don't speak to me--I'm civilization!" the figure made answer,
somewhat pettishly.

"What if we loses this blinkin' war after all, Bill?"

"Well, all I can say is--them what finds it is quite welcome to keep
it."

If we must have wars, let's adopt the pay-as-you-enter plan.

The war left the world so flat that Voliva may be excused for denying
that it is round.

VISITOR--"It's a terrible war, this, young man--a terrible war."

MIKE (badly wounded)--"'Tis that, sor--a tirrible warr. But 'tis
better than no warr at all."_--Punch_.

_See also_ European War.

WEALTH

BENNETT--"My, Storer must be rich."

JONES--"How so?"

BENNETT--"He was cleaning his mother's w