_See also_ Domestic finance; Marriage; Woman

WOMAN

The reason we never hear of a self-made woman is because she changes
the plans so frequently that the job is never finished.

_If They Meant All They Said_

Charm is a woman's strongest arm;
My charwoman is full of charm;
I chose her, not for strength of arm
But for her strange, elusive charm.

And how tears heighten woman's powers!
My typist weeps for hours and hours:
I took her for her weeping powers--
They so delight my business hours.

A woman lives by intuition.
Though my accountant shuns addition
She has the rarest intuition.
(And I myself can do addition.)

Timidity in girls is nice.
My cook is so afraid of mice.
Now you'll admit it's very nice
To feel your cook's afraid of mice.

--_A.D. Miller_.

"De little girl," said Uncle Eben, "dat's allus takin' her dolly and
dishes an' sayin' she won't play, grows up to be de lady dat says
unless she's de chairman dar ain' g'ineter be no meetin'."

"Brown acknowledges that he knows nothing about women."

"What an immense experience with them he must have had."

"Does your wife neglect her home in making speeches?"

"Not a bit of it," replied Mr. Meekton. "She always lets me hear the
speeches first."

A lady was sitting in the garden with the family stocking basket
beside her, and was examining the holes in her little boy's socks,
when the old gardener came by with his wheelbarrow. "What beats me,"
he remarked, "is you ladies. Always lookin' for what you don't want to
find!"

"Hello! Is this a party wire?"

"My dear sir, it's worse. It's a woman's party wire."

A red-haired, freckle-faced boy of fourteen, weighed down with the
responsibility of his first essay, walked into a city library the
other day. He approached the reference librarian rather timidly,
standing on one foot, then on the other, and finally said:

"Say, boss, I've gotta write an essay on 'Woman.' Where'll I begin?"

"I was outspoken in my sentiments at the club today," said
Mrs. Garrulous to her husband the other evening. With a look of
astonishment he replied:

"I can't believe it, my dear. Who outspoke you?"

A party of Americans were dining in Paris with Premier Clemenceau,
when one of the Americans was heard to say: "I'll bet she will--"

"I wouldn't do that," interposed Clemenceau--"bet on anything that she
will do. You can never tell what a wo