pholstering and all the modern appliances."

ALICE--"You'd take me out with you, if you had, wouldn't you?"

"No."

"Well, why not?"

"Why, you're perfectly capable of doing your own wishing, aren't you?"

HE--"But, Alice, you don't want that!"

SHE--"How will I know until I get it?"

WITNESSES

The day was drawing to a close. Judge, jurors, witnesses, and
lawyers all were growing weary. Counsel for the prosecution was
cross-examining the defendant.

"Exactly how far is it between the two towns?" he asked at length.

For some time Paddy stood thinking, then, "About four miles as the cry
flows," came the answer.

"You mean 'as the flow cries!'" corrected the man of law.

The judge leaned forward. "No," he remarked suavely, "he means 'as the
fly crows.'"

And they all looked at one another, feeling that something was wrong
somewhere.

A lawyer was examining a Scottish farmer. "You'll affirm that when
this happened you were going home to a meal. Let us be quite certain
on this point, because it is a very important one. Be good enough to
tell me, sir, with as little prevarication as possible, what meal it
was you were going home to."

"You would like to know what meal it was?" said the Scotsman.

"Yes, sir; I should like to know," replied the counsel, sternly and
impressively. "Be sure you tell the truth."

"Well, then, it was just oatmeal."

A boy of eight entered the witness-box in tremendous boots, long
trousers rolled up so that the baggy knees were at the ankles, and a
swallow-tail coat that swept the floor.

"Why are you dressed like that?" asked the judge, both amazed and
amused.

The boy took from his pocket the summons and pointed solemnly to the
words: "To appear in his father's suit."

The prosecuting attorney had encountered a somewhat difficult witness.
Finally he asked the man if he was acquainted with any of the men on
the jury.

"Yes, sir," announced the witness, "more than half of them."

"Are you willing to swear that you know more than half of them?"
demanded the lawyer.

"Why, if it comes to that, I'm willing to swear that I know more than
all of them put together."

"Do you understand what you are to swear to?" asked the court as a not
over-intelligent looking negro took the witness stand.

"Yes, sah, Ah does. Ah'm to sweah to tell de truf."

"Yes," said the Judge; "and what will happen if you do not tell the
truth?"

"Well, sah," was the hesitati