surprized to
find him working away at the crank as tho his life depended on it.
"I don't see how you got him to turn the freezer," she said to her
husband; "I offered him a dime to do it."

"You didn't go at it in the right way, my dear," replied the husband.
"I bet him a nickel he couldn't turn it for half an hour."

MRS. X.--"Bothered with time-wasting callers, are you? Why don't you
try my plan?"

MRS. Y.--"What is your plan?"

MRS. X.--"Why, when the bell rings, I put on my hat and gloves before
I press the button. If it proves to be some one I don't want to see, I
simply say 'So sorry, but I'm just going out.'"

MRS. Y.--"But suppose it's some one you want to see?"

MRS. X.--"Oh, then I say, 'So fortunate, I've just come in.'"

WIFE--"But, my dear, you've forgotten again that today is my
birthday."

HUSBAND--"Er--listen, love. I know I forgot it, but there isn't a
thing about you to remind me that you are a day older than you were a
year ago."

Little Charlotte accompanied her mother to the home of an
acquaintance, where a dinner-dance was being given. When the
dessert-course was reached the little girl was brought down and given
a place next to her mother at the table.

The hostess was a woman much given to talking, and, in relating some
interesting incidents, quite forgot to give little Charlotte anything
to eat.

After some time had elapsed, Charlotte could bear it no longer. With
the sobs rising in her throat, she held up her plate as high as she
could and said:

"Does anybody want a clean plate?"

A Tommy on furlough entered a jeweler's shop and, placing a
much-battered gold watch on the counter, said, "I want this 'ere
mended."

After a careful survey the watchmaker said, "I'm afraid, sir, the cost
of repairing will be double what you gave for it."

"I don't mind that," said the soldier. "Will you mend it?"

"Yes," said the jeweler, "at the price."

"Well," remarked Tommy, smiling, "I gave a German a punch on the nose
for it, and I'm quite ready to give you two if you'll mend it."

An old lady who had been introduced to a doctor who was also a
professor in a university, felt somewhat puzzled as to how she would
address the great man.

"Shall I call you 'doctor' or 'professor'?" she asked.

"Oh! just as you wish," was the reply; "as a matter of fact, some
people call me an old idiot."

"Indeed," she said, sweetly, "but then, they are people that know
you."

The host