ny louder I wouldn't use your bloomin'
ould telephone at all!"

_See also_ Strategy.

TEMPER

Little Molly had been very trying all day. That evening, when her
grown-up sister was putting her to bed, she said she hoped the child
would be a better girl tomorrow, and not make everybody unhappy with
her naughty temper.

Molly listened in silence, thought hard for a few moments, and then
said, wisely:

"Yes, when it's me it's temper; when it's you it's nerves."

TEMPERANCE

THE MAN (to a New York waiter)--"--and a glass of good beer!"

THE WAITER--"Sorry, sir. We only serve temperance beverages."

THE MAN--"Why, I got beer in Rhode Island."

THE WAITER--"Maybe you did, sir. But that was only by an act of
Providence."

A temperance lecturer was enthusiastically denouncing the use of all
intoxicants.

"I wish all the beer, all the wine, all the whiskey in the world was
at the bottom of the ocean," he said.

Hastily Pat arose to his feet.

"Sure, and so do I, sor," he shouted. "I wish every bit of it was at
the bottom of the sea."

As they were leaving the hall the lecturer encountered Pat.

"I certainly am proud of you," he said. "It was a brave thing for you
to rise and say what you did. Are you a teetotaler?"

"No, indade, sor," answered Pat. "I'm a diver."

Mayor Fitzgerald of Boston, at a recent temperance banquet was
discussing a drink cure of little efficacy.

"When I think of this cure." he said "I recall a poor old man with a
red nose, who entered a magistrate's office and said:

"I'd like to take the pledge if you please."

"Very good," said the polite clerk, "and how long did you wish to take
it for?"

"In the past," said the old man, "I've always took it for life."

TEMPTATION

Most of us keep at least one eye on the temptation we pray not to be
led into.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The Ten Commandments seem to be off on a vacation. Or have they gone
in search of the Fourteen Points?

THEATER

Reynold Wolf tells this one of Nora Bayes:

Once Miss Bayes was appearing in a breakfast scene where eggs were
being served, and a child sitting in a box made manifest his interest
in the food. Stepping down to the footlights she tendered the
youngster an egg, but his mother drew back her child with a sign of
annoyance.

"You should let the young man take it," said Miss Bayes, quietly. "It
is unique for eggs to be passed from this side of the foot