mall boy.

"Nothin', eh?" said the greengrocer. "Well, it looks to me as though
you are trying to steal those apples."

"You're wrong!" retorted the nipper, "I'm trying not to."

A carpenter, sent to make some repairs in a private house entered the
apartment of the lady of the house with his apprentice and began to
work.

"Mary," the lady said to her maid, "see that my jewel-case is locked
up at once!"

The carpenter understood. He removed his watch and chain from his vest
in a significant manner and handed them to his apprentice.

"John," said he, "take these right back to the shop. It seems that
this house isn't safe."--_Harper's_.

In the office of the prison warden at Canon City, Colorado, a clever
and notorious swindler was being divested of the contents of his
pockets. As each article was removed, it was carefully examined,
listed and then placed temporarily on a nearby desk. Among the
articles was a badly tarnished silver dollar, barely distinguishable
as money.

At the conclusion of the search, the prisoner pointed to the
dull-looking coin and in a suppliant tone asked the warden:

"Would you mind letting me keep that with me?"

"Why?" asked the warden.

"Oh, just a little sentiment, I suppose," the prisoner explained. "You
know, it's the first dollar I ever stole."

_See also_ Chicken stealing; Lawyers.

THRIFT

Mr. Benson went to New York to business, but lived in Brooklyn. Often
he was not able to get home in time for dinner at night. He told his
wife that he would phone her every day as to whether he could leave
the office or not.

Mrs. Benson was of a very thrifty disposition, and the following was
her solution of the problem: "Sam, if you find that you can't be home
for dinner, phone me at exactly six o'clock. If the telephone rings at
that hour, I'll know it is you and that you are not coming for dinner.
I won't answer it, and you'll get your nickel back."

Saving is a habit; extravagance, an art.

Secretary of War Baker tells a story of a country youth who was
driving to the county fair with his sweetheart when they passed a
booth where fresh popcorn was for sale.

"My! Abner, ain't that nice?" said the girl.

"Ain't what nice?" asked Abner.

"Why, the popcorn; it smells so awfully good," replied the girl.

"It does smell kind o' fine," drawled the youth. "I'll jest drive a
little closer so you can get a better smell."

BUTTONS--"Get up! Get up! The hotel