ess had trouble in getting Mr. Harper to sing. After the song
had been given, she came up with a smiling face to her guest, and made
the ambiguous remark:

"Now, Mr. Harper, you must never tell me again that you can not
sing--I know now!"

THE HOST--"It's beginning to rain; you'd better stay to dinner."

THE GUEST--"Oh, thanks very much; but it's not bad enough for that."

TALKERS

Words are like leaves, and where they most abound,
Much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found.

--_Pope_.

"I have just heard of a woman who went to a hotel unaccompanied and
discovered that the acoustic properties of her room were such that
every time she spoke aloud there was an echo. She then made a bold
attempt to get in a last word, and in so doing talked herself to
death."

"A whole lot o' de talk dat goes 'round," said Uncle Eben, "ain' no
mo' real help in movin' forward dan de squeak in an axle."

The school-teacher had punished Tommy so often for talking during
school hours, and the punishment had been apparently without effect,
that, as a last resort, she decided to notify Tommy's father of his
son's fault. So, following the deportment word in his next report were
these words, "Tommy talks a great deal."

In due time the report was returned with these words after the
father's signature, "You ought to hear his mother."

_Just Suppose_

If all that we say
In a single day,
With never a word left out,
Were printed each night
In clear black and white,
'Twould prove queer reading, no doubt.

And then just suppose
Ere one's eyes he could close.
He must read the day's record through,
Then wouldn't one sigh,
And wouldn't he try
A great deal less talking to do?

And I more than half think
That many a kink
Would be smoother in life's tangled thread,
If one-half that we say
In a single day
Were left forever unsaid.

Mrs. Jenkins, a regular visitor in the doctor's consulting room,
started on the long story of her troubles. The doctor endured it
patiently and gave her another bottle. At last she started out, and
the doctor was congratulating himself, when she stopped and exclaimed:
"Why, doctor, you didn't look to see if my tongue was coated."

"I know it isn't," wearily replied the medical man. "You don't find
grass on a race track."

Another one of our patrons finds he