e same reason.

SOCIOLOGY

Catalog Class: "300 is the number for sociology. Now what does that
word mean to you, children?" One little girl stands up, smooths out
her frock, straightens her bow, folds her hands, and, being properly
adjusted to recite, exclaims: "Sociology is a science that teaches you
how to sew."

SOLDIERS

Noah would have saved future soldiers a lot of trouble if he had
swatted those two cooties when they marched up the gang plank of the
ark.

SOUND

Sound travels at the rate of 400 yards per second.

Exceptions to this rule:

Scandal: 1,000 yards.

Flattery: 500 yards.

Truth: 2-1/2 yards.

Alarm-clock:----?

SOUVENIRS

Secretary of State Lansing slipped out of the council chamber and went
souvenir hunting in the palace. Luck was with him, he said, for he
found a remarkable piece of antique wall-paper.

Next day a frantic Japanese stenographer was looking for his shorthand
notes.

SPECULATION

"My wife watches the sugar market closely."

"Speculating?"

"In a small way. She borrows when it's high and pays back when it's
low."

The old millionaire and his beautiful bride, after their quiet
wedding, had a quiet wedding breakfast _a deux_. Astrakhan
caviar, eggs pompadour, a truffled chicken, fresh California peas,
champagne--so the quiet breakfast ran.

"My dear," said the old millionaire, as the fruit course, a superb
Florida melon, came on, "tell me, dear"--and he laid his withered hand
on her young one--"do you love me for what I am or for what I was?"

The beautiful girl smiled down from the window into the admiring
eyes of a young clubman who was passing; then she bent her clear,
considering gaze on the gray ruin opposite and replied:

"I love you, George, for what you will be."

HARPER--"Foozle has a great scheme and he invited me 'to get in on the
ground floor.'"

CARPER--"Don't forget that that is where the trap-doors are."

HEWITT--"Don't you think I stand a good chance of making a fortune out
of that mine?"

JEWITT--"Out of it, yes. In it, no."

SPEED

Spurr, the keeper of the livery stable, would never allow a horse out
of his sight without giving the hirer strict injunctions not to drive
fast.

One day a caller asked for a horse to attend a funeral.

"Certainly," said Spurr, and then, forgetting the solemn purpose for
which his customer wanted the horse, he added, as usual, "Don't drive
fast!