place
I've met with Mark and heard him joke,
Yet how can I describe his face?
I never saw it for the smoke.

At school he won a smokership,
At Harvard College (Cambridge, Mass.)
His name was soon on every lip,
They made him "smoker" of his class.

Who will forget his smoking bout
With Mount Vesuvius--our cheers--
When Mount Vesuvius went out
And didn't smoke again for years?

The news was flashed to England's King,
Who begged Mark Twain to come and stay,
Offered his dukedoms--anything
To smoke the London fog away.

But Mark was firm. "I bow," said he,
"To no imperial command,
No ducal coronet for me,
My smoke is for my native land!"

For Mark there waits a brighter crown!
When Peter comes his card to read--
He'll take the sign "No smoking" down,
Then Heaven will be Heaven indeed.

--_Oliver Herford_.

SNOBBERY

A well-known society performer volunteered to entertain a roomful
of patients of the Colney Hatch Lunatic Asylum, and made up a very
successful little monologue show, entirely humorous. The audience
in the main gave symptoms of being slightly bored, but one highly
intelligent maniac saw the whole thing in the proper light, and,
clapping the talented actor on the shoulder, said: "Glad you've come
old fellow. You and I will get along fine. The other dippies here are
so dashed dignified. What I say is if a man is mad, he needn't put on
airs about it."

SOCIALISTS

"What's the difference between a socialist and a plutocrat?"

"There are many; but the leading one is that the former fights for his
principle and the latter for his interest."

SOCIETY

"Dad, what's a social scale?"

"Well, generally speaking old man, it's a place where money is
weighed."

REGULAR CUSTOMER--"I shall want a large quantity of flowers from you
next week for my daughter's coming out."

FLOWER WOMAN--"Yes, mum. You shall 'ave the very best for 'er, pore
dear. Wot were she put in for?"--_Punch_.

WILLIS--"What makes you think it is easier for a rich man to land in
Society than for an immigrant to land in America?"

GILLIS--"In the former case the literacy test isn't as strict."

AUNT--"You'll be late for the party, won't you, dear?"

NIECE--"Oh, no, auntie. In our set nobody goes to a party until
everybody else gets there."

Man it attracted to society by a desire to improve himself; and leaves
it for th