ill consider our offer."

MERCHANT (to applicant for job)--"Sorry, but I only employ married
men."

APPLICANT-"Do you happen to have a daughter, sir?"

"I love you! I love you!" he murmured for the nineteenth time. "Speak!
Answer me!"

The maiden coyly hung her head.

"I--oh, Tom, this is so sudden!" she pleaded.

He drew her close to him.

"Don't be afraid, darling!" he said gently. "Would you like me to ask
your mother first?"

With a sudden cry of alarm she threw her arms around his neck.

"No, no!" she gasped. "Mother is a widow. I want you myself!"

"Yes, she rejected me, but she did it in a most encouraging way."

"How was that?"

"As I went away, she pointed to the footprints that I had made on the
carpet, and said: 'The next time you come to propose to me, I want you
to wipe your shoes clean!'"

Long had he worshipped her at a distance, but his shyness prevented
him from proposing. Then, one evening, for the sake of sweet charity,
a theatrical performance took place, in which the charmer was leading
lady and more adorable than ever. Afterward the shy admirer drew near,
his love made valiant by the sight of her beauty. "You are the star of
the evening," he said as they stood alone in a corner.

"You are the first to tell me so," said the damsel with a happy blush.

"Then," he retorted promptly, "may I not claim my reward as an
astronomer?"

The lady looked puzzled. "What reward?" she asked.

"Why, the right to give my name to the star I have discovered!"

"So you want to marry Alice, do you?" asked the girl's father of her
young man.

"Very much indeed," replied the youth.

"Can you support a family?"

The young man reflected a moment, and then asked, "How many are there
of you, sir?"

FRANK--"When you proposed to her I suppose she said: 'This is so
sudden?'"

ERNEST--"No, she was honest and said: 'This suspense has been
terrible.'"

One evening some time since John Henry called on the darling of his
heart, and while talking to the fair one he casually referred to some
of the hardships of the present day.

"I see, Gladys," he remarked, "that the price of coal has gone up
again, and that it is hard to get at any price."

"Has it?" responded Gladys, without showing any great concern.

"Yes," answered John Henry, "and they say they are also advancing
house rents, while sugar--"

"Look here, John Henry!" suddenly interjected the fair one, with a
withering expressio