ins. "Your employer is a
very nice lady, and you cannot do too much for her."

"I don't mean to, ma'am," replied Mary.

MRS. SMYTHE DE WILLOUGHBY--"Was the grocer's boy impudent again this
morning, Clara, when you telephoned the order?"

CLARA--"'E was, mum! But I didn't 'arf give 'im wot for. I sez, 'Who
d'yer blinkin' well think you're a-talkin 'to? I'm Mrs. Smythe der
Willoughby!'"--_Punch_.

MRS. GLABBERDEEN--"Of course you, too, must often change cooks?"

MRS. JALPERDILL--"Oh, don't speak of it! We suffer from such a
continual going and coming that we've decided this winter to equip our
kitchen with revolving doors."

VISITOR--"Why does your servant go about the house with her hat on?"

MISTRESS--"Oh, she's a new girl. She only came this morning, and
hasn't yet made up her mind whether she'll stay."--_Punch (London)_.

The new word for "servant" and the new hours have come, judging from
this advertisement:

Household assistants (two) wanted in private family; eight hours
daily; six days weekly; one from 8 to 5; another from 11 to 8; all off
for lunch; no meals; sleep home; wages, $10. Apply--, etc.

HUSBAND (at dinner)--"By George, this is a regular banquet. Finest
spread I've sat down to in an age. What's up? Do you expect company?"

WIFE--"No, but I think the cook does."

AGATHA-"Is your former cook happy since she inherited a fortune?"

AGNES-"No, she's all dressed up and no place to leave."

"Have you any cooks on hand?"

"Six in the anteroom."

"Ask 'em to look me over and see if there is anybody here I might
suit."

THE NEW MAID--"In my last place I always took things fairly easy."

COOK--"Well, it's different here. They keep everything locked up."

Mrs. X. had lost her cook and had telephoned in vain for another.
Dinner guests were expected and she was desperate. Finally, putting
on her things, she went out, and she hadn't gone far when she met a
neat-looking colored woman. She explained her dilemma and the colored
woman listened in silence, then she said: "Where do yo' live, missus?"

Seeing a ray of hope joyfully, Mrs. X. gave her address, to be met
with this reply:

"Well, yo 'jess go home an' look in yo' glass an' yo'll see yo' cook."

MISTRESS--"I want a maid who will be faithful and not a time-waster.
Can you promise that?"

BRIDGET--"Indeed'n I can. I'm that scrup'lous, ma'am, about wastin'
time that I make one job of prayin' and scrubbin'."

"Do you