he whole day showing
you penny toys. Do you want the earth with a little red fence around
it for a cent?"

LITTLE GIRL--"Let me see it."

"How can you tell when a woman is only shopping?"

"When they intend to buy they ask to see something cheaper. When
they're shopping they ask if you haven't something more expensive in
stock."

In a busy department store, a lady asked to see blankets. After the
clerk had emptied the shelves and piled the counters with blankets
of every description and color, the lady thanked him and said: "I was
just looking for a friend."

"Well, madam," said the obliging clerk, "if you think your friend is
among these blankets, I'll look again."

"Was papa the first man who ever proposed to you, mama?"

"Yes; but why do you ask?"

"I was just thinking that you might have done better if you had
shopped around a little more."

Here is a story of a lady who seemed to want a lot for her money. She
rushed excitedly into the hardware department.

"Give me a mouse-trap!" she exclaimed. "Quickly, please, because I
want to catch a train."

HUSBAND (discovering the hall full of packages)--"Heavens! You must
have had a successful shopping day."

WIFE--"Yes, dear, and that isn't the best of it. I have actually got
something that I am going to keep."--_Life_.

An old fellow who was noted through the town for his stuttering as
well as for his shrewdness in making a bargain, stopped at a grocery
and inquired:

"How m-m-many t-t-t-turkeys have you g-g-got?"

"Eight, sir," replied the grocer.

"T-t-t-tough or t-t-tender?"

"Some are tender and some tough," was the reply.

"I k-keep b-b-b-boarders," said the new customer. "P-pick out the four
t-toughest t-t-turkeys, if you p-p-please."

The delighted grocer very willingly complied with the unusual request,
and said in his politest tones:

"These are the tough ones, sir."

Upon which the customer coolly put his hand on the remaining four, and
exclaimed:

"I'll t--t--take th--th--th--these!"

SIGHT SEEING

The motor-bus stopped, and the conductor looked earnestly up the
steps, but no one descended, and at last he stalked up impatiently.

"'Ere, you," he said to a man on top, "don't you want Westminster
Abbey?"

"Yes," was the reply.

"Well," retorted the conductor, "come down for it. I can't bring it on
the bus for you."

SIGNS

Eva S----, twenty-four years old, a maid employed in Jersey City,
was l