ocked up last night in the West Thirtieth Street Police Station,
charged with grand larceny. She is alleged to have stolen $160 worth
of articles from a Sixth Avenue department-store.

The explanation she gave was that she saw a sign in the store which
read: "Customers, please take small packages home."

"Why do you have an apple as your trade-mark?" asked a client of the
cash tailor.

"Well, well," replied the man, rubbing his hands, "if it hadn't been
for an apple where would the clothing business be today?"

In a large park in one of the Eastern cities there are seats about the
bandstand with this notice posted on them:

"The seats in the vicinity of the bandstand are for the use of ladies.
Gentlemen should make use of them only after the former are seated."

A farmer hitched his team to a telephone-pole.

"Here," exclaimed a policeman, "you can't hitch there!"

"Can't hitch!" shouted the irate farmer, "Well, why does the sign say,
'Fine for Hitching'?'"

You have heard perhaps, of the Englishman in the South Station,
Boston, who read over a door "Inside Baggage," and chuckled with glee:
"You Americans are so droll! Now we should say 'Refreshment Room.'"

Somebody ought to call attention to the public-library sign, "Only low
talk is permitted here."

The small boy's parents had distinct ideas of discipline. The walls of
the sitting-room were lined with tracts, and the cane was always kept
behind "Love one another."

One day everything went wrong, and the little boy was whipped eight
times.

After the eighth caning he said, between his sobs, "D-d-don't you
think it's t-time to take the cane from behind 'L-love one another'
and put it behind 'I n-n-need Thee every hour'?"

Little Jane had long desired a baby sister, and one day she came
rushing home in high excitement.

"Oh, mother; come downtown quickly!" she exclaimed. "There are
splendid bargains in babies and you can get one while they are cheap."

"What in the world are you talking about, my dear?" the mother asked
in astonishment. "Somebody must have been playing a joke on you."

"Truly, truly!" the little girl declared, jumping up and down in her
eagerness. "Great big sign about it, on the top of the skating rink.
It says, 'This week only, children half price.'"

In Davenport: "We've given a service to our patrons that compels them
to think of Crooks when there's any laundry work to be done." On a
parsonage door in Trinidad,