Colo.: "The last man who tried to work
me is in jail." On a tombstone in Batavia: "If we must part let us go
together." On State Street: "Open all night. Latest moving pictures."
In a Morton Park dance-hall: "Use checkroom. Absolutely no clothes
allowed in this room." (Attention of Mayor Harrison.) On Franklin
Street: "Reign Umbrella Co." In the Spencer Hotel, Marion, Ind.:
"Discourteous treatment, by the waiters, if reported to the
proprietor, will be greatly appreciated."

Out in New Mexico even public signs come direct to the point. They do
not waste any time in wondering how the reader will feel about it.

In a garage at Albuquerque is posted:

"Don't smoke round the tank! If your life isn't worth anything,
gasoline is!"

Another home problem is solved by a firm of cleaners in Grinnell,
Iowa, which advertises: "Notice--ladies--why worry about your dirty
kids when we clean them for fifteen cents?"

"Our readers," says the Boston Transcript, "often go into movie
theaters to laugh, but did you ever realize that you can get many a
good laugh by reading the funny wording of some of the signs out in
front and in the lobby? We have noticed how audiences enjoy these
funny signs which have been shown on the screen in The Literary
Digest 'Topics of the Day.' Here are some of the most laughable ones
mentioned:

"Movie theater sign:

"'Watch Your Wife'
Every Night This Week."

--_Albany Argus_.

"Sign in front of Harlem movie theater:

"'Mother, I Need You
for Three Days
Beginning Nov. 30'."

"Sign in front of movie house:

"'Geraldine Farrar, supported for the first time by her husband'."

--_Columbus (O.) Citizen_.

"This seems to be a very dangerous precipice," remarked the tourist.
"I wonder that they have not put up a warning-board!"

"Yes," answered the guide, "it is dangerous. They kept a warning-board
up for two years, but no one fell over, so it was taken down."

Mr. Roberts, a banker in a Western town, was very bald and was in the
habit of wearing his hat in the bank during business hours. Every week
a negro employee of the bank presented a check and drew his wages.
One day, as he was putting the money in a worn and greasy wallet, the
banker chanced to pass by, and asked, "Look here, John, why don't you
let some of that money stay in the bank and keep an account with us?"

"Well, sah," replied the negro, leaning toward the banker and ga