ve calling-cards. She let herself out the front door, and when
the new servant answered her ring she gave him her card.

The next day two ladies came to visit Mrs. Smith. When they presented
their cards, the alert Chinaman hastily compared them with Mrs.
Smith's card, and remarked as he closed the door:

"Tickets no good; you can't come in."

MISTRESS--"I shall be very lonely, Bridget, if you leave me."

BRIDGET--"Don't worry, mum. I'll not go until ye have a houseful of
company."

Mrs. Wilson wanted to get Mrs. Johnson's cook away from her so badly
that she actually went to Mrs. Johnson's house when she was away and
offered the cook more money. The next time they met at a big dinner
Mrs. Johnson did not notice her.

"Mrs. Johnson, you know Mrs. Wilson, do you not?" said the lady who
sat between them.

"No, I believe not," said Mrs. Johnson, "but I understand that she
calls on my cook."

MR. EXE--"Did you tell the cook that the beefsteak was burned?"

MRS. EXE--"Mercy, no! She would leave instantly. I told her it was
just right, but that we preferred it a trifle underdone."

"Does your family have any trouble with servants?"

"No," replied Mr. Crosslots; "I don't believe any of them stay around
the place long enough to become really troublesome."

Two nurse-maids were wheeling their infant charges in the park when
one asked the other:

"Are you going to the dance tomorrow afternoon?"

"I am afraid not."

"What!" exclaimed the other. "And you so fond of dancing!"

"I'd love to go," explained the conscientious maid, "but to tell you
the truth, I am afraid to leave the baby with its mother."

"A flirt, am I!" exclaimed Mary Ann, under notice to go. "Well, I
know them as flirts more than I do, and with less hexcuse." She shot a
spiteful look at her mistress and added: "I'm better looking than you.
More 'andsome. 'Ow do I know? Your husband told me so."

"That will do," said her mistress, frigidly.

"But I ain't finished yet!" retorted Mary Ann. "I can give a better
kiss than you! You want to know 'oo told me that, mum?"

"If you mean to suggest that my husband--"

"No, it wasn't your 'usband this time," said Mary Ann. "It was your
chauffeur."

Mrs. Bliffkins met Mary Smith, whom she had recommended to a neighbor
for a situation.

"How are you getting on at your new place?" asked Mrs. Bliffkins.

"Very well, thank you," was the reply.

"I am glad to hear it," remarked Mrs. Bliffk