d that the salesman's attitude was correct. "But,"
said he, "as I don't like turning money away, I'll take you for a run
in the car myself." The selected car was brought out, the chairman
took the driving wheel, the customer sat alongside him, and the run
began.

For some time she ran beautifully. Then, halfway up a hill, there was
a sudden stoppage, and, do what he would, the driver could not induce
the car to move.

Said the customer: "A jolly good thing I insisted on a trial."

Very red in the face, the chairman left the car, went to the front
and lifted the bonnet to see what was the matter. "Holy smoke!" he
exclaimed. "She's got no engine in her. She's run two miles on nothing
but her reputation."

REST CURE

I wish I was a little rock
On top of yonder hill
A doin' nothin' all day long
But just a settin' still.

I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep
I wouldn't even wash
I'd set and set a thousand years
And rest myself--_By Gosh!_

RESTAURANTS

A gentleman from the rural districts of Missouri recently made his
first visit to New York. Shortly after his arrival he went into a
restaurant and ordered what seemed to him like a rather meager meal.
When the bill was presented it totaled $8.35. The Missourian looked at
the amount twice to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him. Then
he smiled. "Waiter," he called, "you've made a mistake. I've got more
money than that!"

GUEST--"Look here! How long must I wait for the half-portion of duck I
ordered?"

WAITER--"Till somebody orders the other half. We can't go out and kill
half a duck."

Dr. C----, who was called to the far end of Long Island to extract an
appendix, missed the last train back, stayed over night in a miserable
hotel, and was waited on at breakfast by a sallow and cadaverous
country girl. Said she:

"Boiled tongue, stewed kidneys, fried liver."

Said he:

"Hang your symptoms! Bring me something to eat!"

"What's yours?"

"Coffee and rolls, my girl."

One of those iron-heavy, quarter-inch, thick mugs of coffee was pushed
over the counter. The fastidious person seemed dazed. He looked under
the mug and over it.

"But where is the saucer?" he inquired.

"We don't give no saucers here. If we did some low-brow'd come pilin'
in an' drink out of his saucer, an' we'd lose a lot of our swellest
trade."

"Do you want a steak for a dollar or a dollar and a half?" demanded
the waiter in the Centr