father. "That'll do. Load him up well
with triggernometry. He's the only poor shot in the family."

There is no real suffering in Mexico now, except that of the schoolboy
who is trying to learn the dates of all the revolutions.

CRABSHAW--"Why do you wish to leave school and go to work when you're
so young?"

WILLIE--"It's this way, dad. School is going to be a tough place for
the next few years. We'll have a new map of Europe to study, and if we
fall down on it the teacher is likely to give us the Constitution of
the League of Nations to learn by heart."

MAMMA--"How do you feel this morning, Robert? Are you able to sit up?"

ROBERT--"I feel awful bad. Don't think I could stand on my feet."

MAMMA--"Well, I hope you will be able to go to school Monday. This is
Saturday--"

ROBERT (jumping out of bed)--"Saturday! Gee! I thought it was Friday!"

SCIENTIFIC MANAGEMENT

EFFICIENCY EXPERT--"I am very gratified to see how many new men you
have taken on since I installed my system."

"Yes, I hired 'em to take care of the system."--_Judge_.

SCOTCH, THE

An Englishman, Scotchman and Irishman were indulging in reminiscences
of sporting occasions.

"The closest race I ever saw was a yacht race," deposed the
Englishman, "in which one of the boats that had been recently painted
won by the breadth of the coat of paint."

"The closest race I ever saw," declared the Scotchman, "was one in
which a horse, stung by a bee, won by the eighth of the swelling of
his nose."

"The closest race I ever saw," said the Irishman, "is the Scotch."

Some travellers returning to their hotel in Edinburgh one evening
noticed an old Scotchman working anxiously over a penny-in-the-slot
machine that refused to deliver his purchase or to return the penny.
The next morning on passing the same spot they saw the poor man dead
beside the slot machine.

Two old Scotsmen sat by the roadside, talking and puffing away merrily
at their pipes.

"There's no muckle pleasure in smokin', Sandy," said Donald.

"Hoo dae ye mak' that oot?" questioned Sandy.

"Weel," said Donald, "ye see, if ye're smokin' yer ain bacca ye're
thinkin' o' the awfu' expense, an' if ye're smokin' some ither body's,
yer pipe's ramm't sae tight it winna draw."

A Scotchman had been presented with a pint flask of rare old Scotch
whisky. He was walking briskly along the road toward home, when along
came a Ford which he did not side-step quite