s in its right place at the right time!"

MAN FROM MISSOURI--"Have you never been seasick?"

The ocean liner was rolling like a chip, but as usual in such
instances one passenger was aggressively, disgustingly healthy.

"Sick, eh?" he remarked to a pale-green person who was leaning on the
rail.

The pale-green person regarded the healthy one with all the scorn he
could muster. "Sick nothing!" he snorted weakly. "I'm just hanging
over the front of the boat to see how the captain cranks it!"

SECRETS

"Can you keep a secret, Peggy?"

"I can; but it's just my luck to tell things to other girls who
can't."

ALICE--"I thought you could keep a secret."

MABEL--"Well, I kept it for a week. Do you think I'm a cold-storage
plant?"

JACK--"Did you tell her that what you said was in strict confidence?"

ETHEL--"No; I don't want her to think it was important enough to
repeat."

CRAWFORD--"I see that the Ku Klux are going to admit women members."

CRABSHAW--"Why, I thought it was a secret society."

It is said that an ancient Chinese sage who lived in the second
century was offered a bribe. His silence being accepted as hesitation,
he was assured that he was perfectly safe, as no one knew it. He
replied:

"Heaven knows, it. Earth knows it. You know it. I know it. How can you
say that no one knows it?"

SELF-MADE MEN

"Yes, sir," said the trust magnate, proudly, "I am the architect of my
own fortune."

"Well," rejoined the friendly critic, "all I've got to say is that
it's a lucky thing for you there were no building inspectors around
when you were constructing it."

SENATE

FORWARDLOOKER--"The Senate has a plan to settle labor disputes."

CYNIC--"If labor would devise a plan for settling Senate disputes, we
might have peace."

The more we read about the Senate the more we understand the word
"jazz."

SENATORS

"What is your position on this great question?"

"My position," replied Senator Sorghum, "is somewhat like that of a
tight-rope walker. I don't want to stop to argue or show off. What I
want to do is to get across to solid ground."

"The interrogation 'Where did you get it?' causes me much less
apprehension," confessed Senator Smugg, "than the feeling that some
day the public may learn the answer to the question 'Where did you put
it?'"--_Puck_.

SENSE OF HUMOR

SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT (cross-questioning the terrified class)--"And
no