the world."

"Sorry, Mrs. Jabbers, but it wasn't politeness at all. The man who sat
next to me was quarrelsome because he said I crowded him too much,
and all I did was to use that stout old lady as a sort of retort
courteous."--_Judge_. "All sorts and conditions of men have excellent
explanations for their position in life," said the Senator. "A tramp,
however, came under my observation who had no illusions about the
cause of his own condition.

"A fine looking and fashionably dressed woman had just alighted from
her limousine at the hotel entrance, and was suddenly approached by
this shabbily dressed man who requested a dime.

"'No, I have no money to spare for you. I do not see why an
able-bodied man like you should go about begging.'"

"'I s'ppose, ma'am,' replied the lazy tramp, 'it's fer about the same
reason that a healthy woman like you boards at a hotel instead of
keepin' house.'"--_Harper's_.

Apropos of foreign honesty, Dr. Nicholas Butler tells this story:

"On a foreign railroad," he said, "a commuter had a row with the
conductor. At the end of the row the commuter turned to a friend and
said:

"'Well, the P.D.R. will never see another cent of my money after
this.'

"The conductor, who was departing, looked back and snarled:

"'What'll you do? Walk?'

"'Oh, no,' said the commuter, 'I'll stop buying tickets and pay my
fare to you.'"

ROADS

"How are the roads in this section?" "Fine," replied Farmer
Corntossel. "We've abolished bad roads." "Big job, wasn't it?" "Not at
all. Wherever the going is 'specially hard we don't call it a 'road.'
We call it a 'detour.'"

ROOSEVELT, THEODORE

"One beautiful autumn day," said the teacher, telling a story, "Little
Red Riding Hood was walking along a path in the woods when she came to
a sharp turn; and whom do you think she saw standing there, with a row
of shining white teeth gleaming at her?"

Up went a little hand.

"Who was it, Willie?"

"Mister Roosevelt."

RUINS

An English nobleman was about to set out for India, and, fearing that
in his absence vandals might destroy a picturesque ruin on his estate,
he said to his steward: "I want you to build a wall here"--he drew a
tiny furrow with his stick around the ruin--"a stone wall five feet
high."

On his return home the nobleman started for the spot. When he reached
it he rubbed his eyes in amazement. There was the new stone wall, but
he could see nothing towering