al Park restaurant.

"What's the difference?" inquired the tourist.

"You get a sharp knife with the dollar and half steak," explained the
waiter.

CUSTOMER--"By Jove, I am glad to see you back. Has the strike been
settled?"

WAITER--"What strike, sir?"

CUSTOMER--"Oh, come, now. Where have you been since you took my
order?"

AFFABLE WAITER--"How did you find that steak, sir?"

GUEST--"Oh, quite accidentally. I moved that piece of potato and there
it was, underneath."

CHAUFFEUR--"Cup of coffee, doughnuts, and some griddle cakes."

WAITRESS--"Cylinder oil, couple of non-skid, and an order of blow-out
patches."

RETALIATION

Even though the war was over, she decided to do her patriotic duty
along the hospitality line. So she called the Army and Navy Club, and
transmitted her invitation through a suave-voiced officer.

"I am Mrs. Humpfree McLeod, 33 First Avenue," she explained, "and I
should like to have two of your men come to dinner with us Sunday at
half-past one."

"Yes. Thank you, Mrs. McLeod."

"But wait--be sure, whatever you do, that they aren't Jews!"

The tone of her voice was emphatic.

Sunday came, bringing two chocolate-colored khaki-clad privates to the
McLeod house. When Mrs. McLeod brushed into the drawing-room to greet
her soldiers, all a-smile, she was surprised, to put it mildly.

"Why!" she stammered. "Why, who invited you here?"

"Our commanding officer," explained one, "Captain Cohen."

One morning Jorkins looked over his fence and said to his neighbor,
Harkins:

"What are you burying in that hole?"

"Just replanting some of my seeds, that's all," was the answer.

"Seeds!" exclaimed Jorkins, angrily. "It looks more like one of my
hens!"

"That's all right," said the other. "The seeds are
inside."--_Harper's_.

"What's coming off out in front there?" asked the proprietor of the
Tote Fair store in Tumlinville, Ark.

"A couple of fellers from Straddle Ridge swapped mules," replied the
clerk, "and now each is accusing the other of skinning him."

"Well, then, why don't they trade back?"

"I reckon they are both afraid of getting skinned again."

MOTHER--"Joan, darling, run and call Fido, will you?"

JOAN--"I don't see how I can, mummy, 'cos I aren't speakin' to Fido
since he broke my doll!"

"It was mighty nice of you to give up your seat to that stout old
lady, Mr. Blinks. It is pleasant to see that there are still some
polite men left in