en."--_Punch_.

_See also_ Conscription.

RED TAPE

America consumes more red dye than any other color. This, as you are
aware, is the color chosen for government tape in Washington.

REGRETS

_Who Am I?_

I am frequently most potent in the morning, but I am willing to abide
with you at any time.

I am what you feel if you get married or if you do not get married.

I am what the after-dinner speaker says he feels because he came
unprepared, and what the listeners show they feel without saying it.

I come to you when youth leaves you.

I am yours when that sarcastic person drops a remark which you cannot
fittingly answer, and I am doubled when you are later alone and think
of just the brilliant retort you should have given.

I am what overwhelms you when you suffer an overwhelming financial
loss.

I am the vainest of the vain.

I am regret!

MRS. EXE--"Here's an invitation from Mrs. Boreleigh to one of her
tiresome dinners. I hate them."

EXE--"Why not plead that you have a previous engagement?"

MRS. EXE--"That would be a lie. Edith dear, write Mrs. Boreleigh that
we accept with pleasure."

RELATIVES

"Have you any relatives living in the country?"

"No; whenever we take a vacation we have to pay our own board."

"Old Millyuns says that since he made his pile of money he feels like
a neutral nation."

"Why is that?"

"Because he has so many diplomatic relations."--_Judge_.

RELIGIONS

Rowland Hill, when some persons entered his chapel to avoid the rain
that was falling, quietly observed, "Many persons are to be blamed
for making their religion a cloak, but I do not think those are much
better who make it an umbrella."

A man in the threadbare coat and a week's beard came out of a downtown
mission where he had signed the pledge and joined the church, only to
be nabbed for theft a half hour later.

"Why did you make off with the pocketbook you saw this lady drop in
the street?" demanded the Judge in court.

"It's all the minister's fault," declared the thief in deprecation. "I
went to him discouraged and out of money, and he told me I must learn
to take things as I found them."

Dr. Lyman P. Powell gives some examples of the lengths to which petty
bitterness between sects will sometimes carry men. "A visitor in a
certain town which had four churches and adequately supported none,
asked a pillar of one poor dying church, 'How's your church get