reduced?"

CLERK--"Yes--but it's not on foot yet."

UNCLE SILAS (visiting city relatives who use electrical appliances for
cooking at the table)--"Well, I swan! You make fun of us for eatin' in
the kitchen. I don't see as it makes much difference whether you eat
in the kitchen or cook in the dining-room."--_Life_.

There had been a quarrel. "You're no lidy," remarked the party of the
first part "Ah!" replied the other. "If it wasn't that I _was_ a lidy,
p'raps I'd be able to tell _you_ wot kind of a lidy _you_ ain't."

FIRST TRAVELER (cheerily)--"Fine day, isn't it?"

SECOND DITTO (haughtily)--"Sir! You have the advantage of me. I don't
know you."

FIRST DITTO--"Humph! I fail to see the advantage."

"We need brains in this business, sir."

"I know you do. The business shows it."

"Well! well!" exclaimed Mrs. Talker, looking up from the morning
paper. "Boots and shoes should be getting much cheaper now. Here's
a paragraph that states that they are being made from all sorts of
skins, even rat skins"; and then, trying to be funny, she added, "I
wonder what they do with banana and orange skins?"

"Oh, my dear," replied her husband, "they make slippers!"

The usual large crowd was gathered at the New York end of the Brooklyn
Bridge waiting for trolley-cars. An elderly lady, red in the face,
flustered and fussy, dug her elbows into convenient ribs irrespective
of owners.

A fat man on her left was the recipient of a particularly vicious jab.
She yelled at him, "Say!"

He winced slightly and moved to one side.

She, too, sidestepped and thumped him vigorously on the back.

"Say!" she persisted, "does it make any difference which of these cars
I take to Greenwood Cemetery?"

"Not to me, madam," he answered, slipping through an opening in the
crowd.

AUSTRALIAN SOLDIER (to American)--"You Yanks think you've done a lot,
but you forget we Australians have been at the game for four years."

"Well, what have you done, anyway?"

"Done? We've been at Gallipoli, Mesopotamia, the plains of Bethlehem,
and--"

"The plains of Bethlehem?"

"Yes; I slept a week there myself."

"Well, I guess that was a busy week for the shepherds watching their
flocks!"

Once in a while the choirs do get back at the minister, as, for
example, in a Connecticut church the other Sunday morning. The
minister announced, just after the choir had sung its anthem, as his
text, "Now when the uproar had ceased." But the s