you to climb up to the top of it, look all
over the table and see if there is any salt there.'

"Maggie never forgot the salt again."

"What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?"

"My wife put it there to remind me to post a letter."

"And did you post it?"

"No; she forgot to give it to me."

CONDUCTOR--"Do you mind if I put your bag out of the way, sir? People
coming in are falling over it."

TRAVELER--"You leave it where it is. If nobody falls over it I shall
forget it's there."

REPARTEE

"Pa, what is repartee?"

"Oh, merely an insult with its dress-suit on, my son."--_Puck_.

FIRST STUDENT--"The idea; my napkin is damp!"

SECOND STUDENT--"Perhaps that's because there is so much due on your
board."

The big man with the I-know-it-all expression sneeringly watched the
little man who was eating from a sack of peanuts.

"Down where I come from we use peanuts to fatten hogs," remarked the
big man.

"That so?" asked the little man. "Here, have some."

EINSTEIN--"I hear you already, and I dinks you vas talking to
yourself."

ROSENBERG--"You vas a liar and a scoundrel! Do you hear dot?"

"What would you say," began the voluble prophet, "if I were to tell
you that in a very short space of time all the rivers will dry up?"

"I would say," replied the patient man, "go thou and do likewise."

"I'm tired of always being the goat!"

"Then, why don't you stop butting in?"

"Oh, say, who was here to see you last night?"

"Only Myrtle, father."

"Well, tell Myrtle that she left her pipe on the piano."

"Willie, your master's report of your work is very bad. Do you know
that when Woodrow Wilson was your age he was head of the school?"

"Yes, pa; and when he was your age he was President of the United
States."

"You are an angel."

"I guess that's right. An angel has but one gown and for her the
styles never change."

A stern old preacher had issued to his people a command against
dancing, believing it to be a device of the devil.

A few of the young people disobeyed and attended a dance given at a
neighboring town. Finally it reached the ears of the preacher, and,
meeting one of the culprits on the street one morning, he said in a
stern voice:

"Good morning, child of the devil!"

"Good morning, father!" smilingly answered the pretty miss.

CUSTOMER--"The price of these shoes seems high. Wasn't there something
said about a movement to have it