house.

"Yis, mum, lots of thim," answered the prospective maid.

"Then why did you not bring some of them with you?"

"Well, mum, to tell the troot, they're just loike my photygraphs. None
of thim don't do me justice."

Here is a letter of recommendation given by a butcher to a former
employee:

"Whomsoefer is de boss--

"Dear Sir--Dis is to testify dot Hans Snyder vorked for me von week.
Ven he left I was perfectly satisfied."

RECRUITING

POLICEMAN (rounding up draft suspects)--"Have you got a card?"

THE SUSPECTED ONE (with suitcase)--"A whole case of 'em! Which do you
want to see--draft, registration, meat, sugar, calling, milk, playing,
or postal-card?"--_Judge_.

"Before I left the United States," said Col. George Harvey recently in
London, "I agreed with a Columbia professor who said preponderant power
in men and money was bound to win the war; but now I have a stronger
argument--one which fell from the lips of a recruiting-sergeant in the
Strand yesterday.

"'Don't you want to be on the winning side?' said the soldier to a
group of civilians who he was suggesting should don khaki.

"'How do you know ours will be the winning side?' asked a prospective
recruit.

"'Well, my lad,' said the sergeant, 'you know the Germans have been
trying for more than a year and a half to win and have failed, don't
you?"

"'Yes,' replied the questioner.

"'Well, then, we've been trying to lose during the same period and we
couldn't.'"

United States Senator Howard Sutherland, of West Virginia, tells a
story about a mountain youth who visited a recruiting-office in the
Senator's State for the purpose of enlisting in the regular Army. The
examining physician found the young man as sound as a dollar, but that
he had flat feet.

"I'm sorry," said the physician, "but I'll have to turn you down.
You've got flat feet."

The mountaineer looked sorrowful. "No way for me to git in it, then?"
he inquired.

"I guess not. With those flat feet of yours you wouldn't be able to
march even five miles."

The youth from the mountains studied a moment. Finally he said: "I'll
tell you why I hate this so darned bad. You see, I walked nigh on
to one hundred and fifteen miles over the mountains to git here, and
gosh, how I hate to walk back!"

RECRUITING OFFICER--"What's the good of coming here and saying you're
only seventeen years old! Go and walk around that yard and come back
and see if you're not ninete