of the superintendent, he is afraid of the school committee, they are
afraid of the parents, the parents are afraid of the children, and the
children are afraid of nobody!"

PUBLIC SPEAKERS

A captain in the merchant marine who received much commendation
for his wonderful courage and endurance during the war was asked to
address a meeting in the West. Ex-President Taft spoke first and
at considerable length, and when he had finished the audience rose,
almost to a man, to leave the building. The chairman sprang to his
feet, rushed to the edge of the platform, and called excitedly: "Come
back and take your seats. Come back, every one of you! This man went
through hell for us during the war, and it is up to us now to do the
same for him."

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the chairman of the evening, "in a few
minutes I shall introduce the gentleman who is to address you. It is
not my function to deliver a speech at this time, but I shall just
use up five or ten minutes so that you may know how good a speech you
would have had to listen to were I the speaker and he the chairman."

"Have you ever taken a tail-spin in an airplane?"

"No, but I've been called upon unexpectedly to make a speech, and I
guess the sensation is about the same."

"It must break the theme of your lecture to be interrupted by your
audience."

"The secret of success for a lecturer, my boy," replied the foreign
visitor, "is not to have a theme."

"That speaker certainly made a hit."

"What did he talk about?"

"About ten minutes."

EMPLOYER (coming upon colored porter looking through the
dictionary)--"What are you doing, Sam; looking up some more big words
for another speech?"

"No, sah. 'Tain't that. Ah's jes' translatin' the speech ah made las'
night."

CHAIRMAN (of public banquet)--"Gentlemen, before I introduce the next
speaker, there will be a short recess, giving you all a chance to go
out and stretch your legs."

GUEST--"Who is the next speaker?"

CHAIRMAN--"Before telling you who he is, I would rather wait until you
come back."--_Life_.

William Lyon Phelps, professor of English Literature at Yale, declares
he gets credit for only 25 per cent of the after-dinner speeches he
actually makes. "Every time I accept an invitation to speak, I really
make four addresses. First, is the speech I prepare in advance. That
is pretty good. Second, is the speech I really make. Third, is the
speech I make on the way h