The lawyer, when they think they are going to be sent to jail.

The dentist, when they think a tooth is going to blow off their heads.

The tax collector, when they think they are going to be sold out.

The garage man, when they think they are going to have a blow-out.

The captain, when they think the major is on their trail.

The undertaker, when they don't think any more!

PSYCHOLOGY

"Father," said the small boy, "what is psychology?"

"Psychology, my son, is a word of four syllables that you ring in to
distract attention when the explaining gets difficult."

A small boy seated on the curb by a telephone-pole, with a tin can by
his side, attracted the attention of an old gentleman who happened to
be passing.

"Going fishing?" he inquired, good-naturedly.

"Nope," the youngster replied. "Take a peek in there."

An investigation showed the can to be partly filled with caterpillars
of the tussock moth.

"What in the world are you doing with them?"

"They crawl up trees and eat off the leaves."

"So I understand."

"Well, I'm fooling a few of them."

"How?"

"Sending 'em up this telephone-pole."--_Judge_.

PUBLIC, THE

What the country needs is not a phonographic record to preserve a
candidate's voice, but something to preserve what's left of the voice
of the people.

_The Ultimate Victim_

When capital wants extra gains.
On profits tightens all the reins,
Who has to suffer all the pains?
The public.

When labor gets dissatisfied,
And would conditions override,
Who gets submerged beneath the tide?
The public.

When strikes put up the price of food,
And each side holds firm attitude,
Who always has to make loss good?
The public.

When street-cars cease to run, and balk
At all conciliation talk,
Who has to pay the freight and walk?
The public.

When managers and actors fight
And theaters are closed at night,
Who sees amusement out of sight?
The public.

Who in disputes which rise each day,
Is not permitted any say,
But always loses either way?
The public.

The public! the public! How many fools does it take to make up a
public?--_Chamfort_.

PUBLIC SCHOOLS

At a teachers' institute in an Eastern city a speaker said that, in
his opinion, "the trouble with the public-school system of today is:
The teachers are afraid of the principals, the principals are afraid