yul."

PARSON WHITE--"'Pears ter me like as if you outer be pow'ful thankful.
He got off mighty light, he did."

BRO. LAMKINS--"'Twan't 's light's you seem to think. Dey's agwinter
hang 'im when de two mumfs is up."

"Rastus," said the judge sternly, "you're plain no-account and
shiftless, and for this fight I'm going to send you away for a year at
hard labor."

"Please, Jedge," interrupted Mrs. Rastus from the rear of the court
room, "will yo' Honah jes' kinder split dat sentence? Don't send him
away from home, but let dat hard labor stand."

A German spy caught redhanded was on his way to be shot.

"I think you English are brutes," he growled, "to march me through
this rain and slush."

"Well," said the "Tommy" who was escorting him, "what about me? I have
to go back in it."

_See also_ Marriage.

PUNS

"Have you a little fairy in your home?"

"No, but I have a little miss in my engine."

SMALL SCOUT--"Dad, what are the silent watches of the night?"

INDULGENT FATHER--"They are the ones which their owners forgot to
wind, my son."

"Here, boy," said the man to the boy who was helping him drive a bunch
of cattle, "hold this bull a minute, will you?"

"No," answered the boy, "I don't mind bein' a director in this
company, but I'm darned if I want to be a stockholder."

MA--"You've been drinking. I smell it in your breath." PA--"Not a
drop. I've been eating frog's legs. What you smell is the hops."

PROF.--"What happened to Babylon?"

FRESH.--"It fell."

PROF.--"What happened to Tyre?"

FRESH.--"It was punctured."

That was a good, though rather a severe pun, which was made by a
student in one of our theological seminaries (and he was not one
of the brightest of the class, either), when he asked, "Why is
Professor---- the greatest revivalist of the age?" and on all "giving
it up," said, "Because at the close of every sermon there is a 'Great
Awakening.'"

PURGATORY

MARMADUKE ISOLATE (of Lonelyville).--"Pa, what is Purgatory?"

MR. ISOLATE (wearily).--"Purgatory? Why, Purgatory is a sort of suburb
of Heaven."

QUAKERS

After a long essay on the Quakers, taken largely from the
encyclopedia, a Western schoolboy finished off with this original
thought. "Quakers never quarrel, never get into fights, and never
scratch." Then, seeking for a demonstration of the fact and a final
touch, he added: "Pa is a Quaker, but I kinda think that Ma isn't."