at the propeller _Alaska_ was leaving port
with a cargo of 40,000 bushels of cats.

A Buffalo paper, in describing the scene when Roosevelt took the oath
of office as President, said it was a spectacle never to be forgotten
when Roosevelt, before the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and a
few witnesses, took his simple bath.

PRISONS

BILL--"I see the authorities seriously object to the prisoners forging
checks while in Sing Sing."

TILL--"Well, I suppose they think it is particularly bad form for the
prisoners to do that sort of thing while enjoying the hospitality of
the State."

VISTOR (at the jail)--"Poor man! What are you locked up here for?"

PRISONER (wearily)--"I suppose they think I'd get out if I wasn't."

PROFANITY

When father came home to dinner he observed a vacant chair at the
table. "Where's the boy?" he asked, nodding to the chair.

"Harry is up-stairs," came in a tone of painful precision from the
mother.

"I hope he is not sick."

There was an anxious pause. "No, he is not sick," continued the
mother. "It grieves me to say, Richard, that our son, your son, has
been heard swearing on the street. I heard him myself."

"Swearing!" exclaimed the father. "I'll teach him to swear!"

And with that the angry parent started up-stairs in the dark. Half-way
up he stumbled and came down with his chin on the top step.

When the confusion had subsided Harry's mother was heard saying from
the hallway: "That will do, Richard, dear. You have given him enough
for one lesson."

Sometime ago a pious young clerical prevailed on a rather profane
aviator to take him for a flight. After attaining several thousand
feet the motor suddenly stopped, revealing to the uttermost the
aviator's gift of profanity.

The alarmed pastor excitedly demanded if there was any danger. The
pilot replied sarcastically that there would be prayer instead of
profanity if there was any danger.

The motor "cut in" again and the flight continued. Suddenly the motor
stopped again and notwithstanding the pilot's efforts, accompanied
by the usual lurid language, he was forced to alight. Just as he
flattened out for his landing, the pilot was disconcerted by hearing
the parson exclaim in fervid tones: "Thank God the aviator is still
swearing."

Small Ann's mother had been disturbed to hear her using the word
"devil." "My dear," said she, "that is a word we do _not_ use in
polite society, and I never want t