ars, what per cent profit would I
be making?" he demanded of his son and heir.

"I'm sure I don't know, pop," answered that young hopeful. "You'll
have to get somebody who knows the rules of grand larceny to tell you
that. The rules for percentage wouldn't cover it!"

"Say, Cy, I jest found out what a rube is."

"Thet so, Hiram? What is it?"

"Why, it's one o' them forty-one hour, ninety-five dollar a week labor
guys that thinks a farmer is goin' to sell him food cheap."

Old Omar doubtless had us in mind when he spoke of the profit's
paradise to come.

Another reason why pickpockets seem to be on the increase may be
because profiteering isn't what it was a few months ago.

PROGRESS

I was explaining the other day, to a member of our organization, that
there was no such thing as "standing still" in this world--that we
lost ground immediately we ceased to make progress. Quick as a flash
he put my thought in a few words when he remarked, "We're either
coming or going." That's it exactly. When we do not improve, learn,
develop old ideas or find new ones--we go backwards. And you and I
know how fast we go, when there's no driving power to keep us going
forward.--_E. M. Statler_.

"No, sah, Ah doan't neber ride on dem things," said an old colored
lady looking in on the merry-go-round. "Why, de other day I seen dat
Rastus Johnson git on an' ride as much as a dollah's worth an' git
off at the very same place he got on at, an' I sez to him, 'Rastus,' I
sez, 'yo' spent yo' money, but whar yo' been?'"

Beneath this starry arch,
Naught resteth or is still;
But all things hold their march
As if by one great will.
Move one, move all:
Hark to the footfall!
On, on, forever.

--_Harriet Martineau_.

PROHIBITION

A bone-dry nation means a life full of sorrows without any chance of
drowning them.

_Classic Thoughts on Prohibition_

I love fools' experiments.--_Darwin_.
The rising world of waters dark and deep.--_Milton_.
Earth a failure, God-forsaken,
Ante-room of Hell!--_Kingsley_.
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.--_Shakespeare_.
The law is a ass, a idiot.--_Dickens_.
Lean, hungry, savage anti-everythings.--_Holmes_.
The remedy is worse than the disease.--_Bacon_.
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts.
And men have lost their reason.--_Shakespeare_.
Drink today, and drown all sorrow;
You