it was mighty hard scratchin' fo' de
cullud breddern, I 'bsarved dat w'eneber I pway de Lord to sen' one o'
Marse Peyton's fat turkeys fo' de old man, dere was no notis took
ob de partition; but w'en I pway dat He would sen' de ole man fo'
de turkey, de matter was t'ended to befo' sun-up nex' morning', dead
sartin."

PREACHING

The railroad official invited the stern citizen to communicate his
troubles.

"I want you to give orders," demanded the visitor, "that the engineer
of the express which passes through Elm Grove at 11:55 be restrained
from blowing his whistle Sunday mornings."

"Impossible!" exploded the official. "What prompts you to make such a
ridiculous request?"

"Well, you see," explained the citizen in an undertone, "our pastor
preaches until he hears the whistle blow and that confounded express
was twenty minutes late last Sunday."

The American in England affords cause for much perplexity and
astonishment to his English kinsmen.

A Yankee soldier was being shown over an old church wherein hundreds
of people were buried.

"A great many people sleep between these walls," said the guide,
indicating the inscription-covered floor with a sweep of his hand.

"So?" said the Sammy. "Same way over in our country. Why don't you get
a more interesting preacher?"

A colored preacher called on a white minister.

He found the white man busy writing.

"What you-all doin'?" he asked.

"I'm preparing notes for my sermon for next Sunday."

The colored gentleman shook his head.

"I certainly would nebber do dat, sir," he said. "De debbil am
a-lookin' right over your shoulder and knows everything you gwine to
say and he am prepared for you. Now, I don't make no notes and when
I gets up to talk, neder me nor de debbil hisself don't know what I'm
goin' to say."

Bishop Partridge is a collector of anecdotes about ministers, and in
an anecdotal mood he said the other day:

"I once asked a minister how he had got through a certain service. He
answered grimly:

"'Well, bishop, the service was soothing, moving and satisfactory.'

"'Yes,' I said a little puzzled.

"'Yes, exactly,' said he. 'It was soothing because over half the
congregation went to sleep. It was moving because half of the other
half left before I was through. And it must have been satisfactory,
inasmuch as I wasn't asked to come again.'"

The minister had just preached his farewell sermon to the congregation
with whom he