ll of 1910 a man named Smith was running for sheriff against
a man named Jones. One evening just before election Smith rode up to
the barn-yard of an old farmer. The farmer was milking a cow and was
having difficulty with a lusty calf that continually tried to "butt
in." The candidate, to gain the favor of the farmer, took the calf
between his legs and held it until the milking was done. He then
introduced himself: "I am Mr. Smith, the Republican candidate for
sheriff of the county. I suppose you know the man who's running
against me?"

The farmer's eyes twinkled as he slowly drawled: "Waal, I reckon I do.
He's in the house now, holding the baby."--_Everybody's_.

"Some of your constituents are disagreeing with you," said the trusted
lieutenant.

"Well, keep tab on them," replied Senator Sorghum; "when enough
disagree with me to constitute a reliable majority, I'm going to turn
around and agree with them."

"Are you sure your auditors understood all of your arguments?"

"If they did," answered Senator Sorghum, "I wish they'd come around
and explain some of 'em to me."

"Who can furnish a clear definition of a politician?" inquired the
Professor.

"I can," said the son of a Congressman. "To which party do you refer?"

"My proudest boast," declared the politician, who expected this
statement to be greeted with cheers, "is that I was one of the men
behind the guns."

"How many miles behind?" piped a voice from the gallery.

"What is your opinion of relativity?"

"I approve of it," replied Senator Sorghum.

"Then you understand it thoroughly?"

"Friend, if I had always been required to understand thoroughly
everything I approved of I should have transacted considerable less
political business."

"I'm sorry you were defeated," said a sympathetic friend of the
candidate.

"Perhaps it is better so."

"That's the better way to look at it."

"Yes, according to an elderly aunt of mine who keeps up with all
the family connections, I have no fewer than four hundred living
relatives. I couldn't have possibly provided jobs for more than half
of them."

_See also_ Public speakers.

POLITICS

GREEN--"What is the hardest work you ever did?"

CITY EMPLOYEE--"The work I did landing this job, and the next hardest
is the work of keeping it from being taken away from me."--_Judge_.

"I am out of politics for good," announced the Political Boss.

"Whose?" questioned the Green Reporter.