room and said, "I am a Democrat." Roosevelt
then asked him why he was a Democrat and he said: "I've always been a
Democrat, my father was a Democrat and my grandfather was a Democrat."
Roosevelt then said: "Then if your father had been a horsethief and
your grandfather had been a horsethief you would be a horsethief?"
"No," he said, "I would be a Republican."

In an Americanization class in one of our large cities, Achilles
Bonglis, a Greek, about fifty years old, was called upon to recite the
oath of allegiance, and did so promptly:

"I pledge allegiance to our flag and the _Republicans_ for which it
stands."

MEMBROOKE--"Backus seems to be a very popular candidate. Is he running
on the Progressive ticket?"

YISTLEY--"No, the Retrogressive, His platform is five-cent trolleys,
ten-cent bread, three-dollar shoes and 1913 rents."

A prominent Chicago politician, when a candidate for an important
municipal office, related the following story of his campaign.

"Once I told three negroes that I'd give a big turkey to the one who'd
give the best reason for his being a Republican.

"The first one said: 'I'se a 'publican kase de 'publican set us
niggers free.'

"'Very good, Pete,' said I. 'Now, Bill, let me hear from you.'

"'Well, I'se a 'publican kase dey don' gib us a pertective tariff.'

"'Fine!' I exclaimed. 'Now, Sam, what have you to say?'

"'Boss," said Sam, scratching his head and shifting from one foot to
the other, 'boss, I'se a 'publican kase I wants dat turkey.'

"And he got it."

POLITICIANS

"And why is he here?" we inquired, stopping in front of Padded Cell
No. 44.

"He was a politician and when he finally got in office he really tried
to carry out his campaign pledges," replied the attendant.--_Judge_.

"Do you find public office an easy berth?"

"I shouldn't exactly call it a berth," said Senator Sorghum,
thoughtfully. "It's more like a hammock: hard to get into comfortably,
and still harder to get out of gracefully."

Here lies Mr. Blank, who, on politics bent,
Was at first quite unable to say what he meant;
But schooled by experience, he soon went ahead,
Once he saw that he never need mean what he said.

"I hope that Wilhelm has not decided to take up politics," mused
Senator Sorghum.

"Why?"

"Because a military man can be definitely disposed of, but a
politician never quits."

In Colorado, remember, the women vote as well as the men.

In the fa