hours
later the family gathered for dinner, but Aunt Mary, who was staying
with the mother, did not appear. The mother, quite anxious, exclaimed,
"Where can Aunt Mary be?"

"I know," John answered triumphantly, "she is on the roof."

OBESITY

_See_ Corpulence.

OBITUARIES

Upon the recent death in a Western town of a politician, who, at one
time, served his country in a very high legislative place, a number of
newspaper men were collaborating on an obituary notice.

"What shall we say of the former Senator?" asked one of the men.

"Oh, just put down that he was always faithful to his trust."

"And," queried a cynical member of the group, "shall we mention the
name of the trust?"--_Puck_.

_See also_ Epitaphs.

OCCUPATIONS

PAPA--"But hasn't your fiance got a job?"

DAUGHTER--"Not yet, but he's going to get one at $25,000 a year."

PAPA--"Indeed! Glad to hear of it! What is he doing?"

DAUGHTER--"Well, he read in the paper of some man who is paid $50,000
a year by the Bankers' Association not to forge checks, and George is
going to do it for half that."

THE COP--"The driver of a hearse asked me just now which was the way
to the cemetery, and I told him."

THE CAPTAIN--"Don't do it again. You're being paid as a policeman, not
as a funeral director."

"What are you going to make of your son Charley?" I asked.

"Well," replied Charley's father, "I made a doctor of Bob, a lawyer of
Ralph, and a minister of Bert; and Joe is a literary man. I think I'll
make a laboring man of Charley. I want one of them to have a little
money."--_Life_.

_The Other Fellow's Job_

I seldom quarrel with the universe;
Things could be better, could be better far.
But, on the other hand, they could be worse--
And so I rather leave them as they are.

But one thing though, could easily be done:
If Bill could only make a trade with Bob
The world would be so glad--if everyone
Could only have the other fellow's job!

The other fellow surely has a snap!
If at a desk he works, he needn't roam,
He needn't wander up and down the map--
He knows the joy and comfort of a home.

Or if the other fellow something sells
Upon the road, a lucky man is he--
To see the country, live at good hotels,
And have a job with some variety.

The other fellow!--luckiest of men!--
Here's where creation surely made a slip:
The fellow on the r