of New York was talking at a dinner about
office-seekers.

"A good man had just died," he said, "and with unseemly haste an
office-seeker came after his job.

"Yes, sir, tho the dead man hadn't been buried, yet this office-seeker
came to me and said, breathlessly:

"'Mr. Mayor, do you see any objection to my being put in poor Tom
Smith's place?'

"'Why, no,' said I. 'Why, no, I see no objection, if the undertaker
doesn't.'"

No matter how hard a man runs for office he is perfectly satisfied to
win in a walk.

There is seldom a collision between the office seeking the man and the
man seeking the office.

"There goes a fellow who chased around for years trying to land a
political job."

"Well, what does he do now?"

"Nothing--he's got the job."

Uncle Mose aspired to the elective office of justice of the peace in
the "black bottom" part of town. One bar there was to his preferment:
he could neither read nor write. His master advised him to go to the
commissioner of elections and ask whether he was eligible. Mose went
and returned.

"What did he tell you, Mose?" inquired the master.

"It's all right, sah," answered Mose; "dat gen'lemun suttinly was
kind, yas, suh. He tole me Ah was illegible fo' dat office."

OFFICERS

OFFICER--"I ketched this here mut pinchin' bananas off a fruit-stand."

MAGISTRATE--"Aha! 'personating an officer! Two years."--_Life_.

COMMANDER--"What's his character apart from this leave-breaking?"

PETTY OFFICER--"Well, sir, this man 'e goes ashore when 'e likes; 'e
comes off when 'e likes; 'e uses 'orrible language when 'e's
spoken to; in fact, from 'is general be'avior, 'e might be a
orficer!"--_Punch_.

PROFESSOR--"What! Forgotten your pencil again, Jones! What would you
think of a soldier without a gun?"

JONES (an ex-service man)--"I'd think he was an officer."

OLD AGE

_See_ Age.

OLD CLOTHES

_See_ Clothing.

OPPORTUNITY

"But didn't Opportunity ever knock at your door?"

"Probably."

"And you didn't answer it?"

"I? Of course not. What do you think the servants are for?"

Lazyman, Contentedman, and Busyman lived together in the same house.
One day, when only Lazyman and Contentedman were at home, Opportunity
knocked.

As Lazyman made not the slightest move to go to the door, Contentedman
went and opened it.

"I am Opportunity," said the visitor, "and I have something very
wonderful for you."

Lazyman