led old Gideon Cronk, glaring at the clock.
"That confounded bank is closed! That's a thunderin' pretty howdy-do!"

"Well, you've set round the stove here foolin' with the checkerboard
all the afternoon and let the bank close on you," returned the
landlord of the tavern, "What you kickin' about anyhow?"

"I demand that a public institution shall accommodate its patrons;
that's what!"

"Can't you cash your check in the mornin'?"

"I ain't got no check. But if I had one I'd want to cash it when
I wanted to, wouldn't I? Well, it's the principle of the thing I'm
talkin' about!"

BUSINESS WOMEN

Kate's running a tobacco-shop,
Jane draws a wage from carpentry,
And Amaryllis' patent mop
Defies domestic anarchy;
Marie's so capable that she
Keeps foundry laborers from strife;
She heads a motor company--
But where am I to find a wife?

Eradne's made a wondrous top
That's famed from Maine to Italy;
While Wanda's jointed rabbits hop
Through every modern nursery;
May has a mock canteen, where tea
Is served to sound of drum and fife,
Grace reaps from etymology--
But where am I to find a wife?

Maud's raising a world-famous crop
Where honors tie 'twixt bean and pea;
At Daisy's restaurant each chop
Would rouse a Muse from apathy;
Babette's a broker, who must be
Where rumors anent stocks are rife;
They're all most useful, I agree--
But where am I to find a wife?

I do not know on land or sea,
A girl who'd stay at home with me--
In any varied walks of life.
So how am I to find a wife!
_Charlotte Becker_.

CAMPAIGNS

_See_ Public Speakers.

CANDIDATES

TED--"So you think I'm wasting my time making love to that rich girl?"

NED--"You have about as much chance of winning as a landlord running
for office on a dry ticket."

THE HEELER--"Well, I see that Jimpson, them reformers' candidate f'r
Mayor, is goin' t' have all his meetin's opened with prayer."

THE BOSS--"Good! That means he knows he's licked!"

"What do you think of the candidates?"

"Well the more I think of them the more pleased I am that only one of
them can get in."

_See also_ Politicians.

CANDOR

"How is your wife this morning, Uncle Henry?"

"Well, I dunno. She's failin, dretful slow. I do wish she'd git well,
or somethin'."--_Puck_.

Candor may be considered as a compound of justice and the love of