up, and,
pointing to the farmer with the straw hat, shouted:

"It was him wi' the coo's breakfast on his head!"

The reply was altogether too much for Mr. Asquith, and he had to join
in the general roar of laughter.

COMPENSATION

"There's a bright side to everything."

"To those high food prices?"

"Certainly. Think of the cases of indigestion they have cured."

A little girl who had been out walking with her aunt heard the latter
complaining that her feet were tired. "My feet get tired too, when
I go out walking," said the small maiden, "but I always think what a
nice ride my stomach has been having."

"Anyhow, there's one advantage in having a wooden leg," said the
veteran.

"What's that?" asked his friend.

"You can hold your socks up with thumb-tacks."

COMPETITION

The clergyman's eloquence may have been at fault, still he felt
annoyed to find that an old gentleman fell asleep during the sermon on
two consecutive Sundays. So, after service on the second week, he told
the boy who accompanied the sleeper that he wished to speak to him in
the vestry.

"My boy," said the minister, when they were closeted together, "who is
that elderly gentleman you attend church with?"

"Grandpa," was the reply.

"Well," said the clergyman, "if you will only keep him awake during my
sermon, I'll give you a nickel each week."

The boy fell in with the arrangement, and for the next two weeks the
old gentleman listened attentively to the sermon. The third week,
however, found him soundly asleep.

The vexed clergyman sent for the boy and said: "I am very angry with
you. Your grandpa was asleep again today. Didn't I promise you a
nickel a week to keep him awake?"

"Yes," replied the boy, "but grandpa now gives me a dime not to
disturb him."

"Yes," said the specialist, as he stood at the bedside of the sick
purchasing agent, "I can cure you."

"What will it cost?" asked the sick man, faintly.

"Ninety-five dollars."

"You'll have to shade your price a little," replied the purchasing
agent, "I have a better bid from the undertaker."

COMPLIMENTS

A rector in South London was visiting one of his poorer parishioners,
an old woman, afflicted with deafness. She expressed her great regret
at not being able to hear his sermons. Desiring to be sympathetic
and to say something consoling, he replied, with unnecessary
self-depreciation, "You don't miss much."

"So they tell me," was t