cted--"Have
you heard the latest song hit?"

Patient--"No. What is the title of it?"

Dentist--"The Yanks are Coming."

Returning home from the dentist's, where he had gone to have a loose
tooth drawn, little Raymond reported as follows:

"The doctor told me 'fore he began that if I cried or screamed it
would cost me a dollar, but if I was a good boy it would be only fifty
cents."

"Did you scream?" his mother asked.

"How could I?" answered Raymond. "You only gave me fifty cents."

Mr. Harkins had taken his boy, aged ten, to have an offending molar
tooth drawn. When the job had been accomplished, the dentist said: "I
am sorry, sir, but I shall have to charge you five dollars for pulling
that tooth."

"Five dollars!" exclaimed Mr. Harkins, in dismay. "Why, I understood
you to say that you charged only one dollar for such work!"

"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly
that he scared four other patients out of the office."--_Harper's_.

DEPARTMENT STORES

"I want some shoe-strings, some hairpins, a pair of gloves, and a
tooth-brush," the woman said. "I have to catch a train, and have but a
few minutes."

"Yes, madam!" the floorwalker replied briskly. "That's the beauty of a
department store-get anything you want, right under the one roof! Take
elevator to eleventh floor, shoe department, eight aisles to the
right from the main passageway, for shoe-strings; hairpins in notions
department, east side of basement, three aisles beyond hardware;
gloves in women's wear, fifth floor of annex, reached by passageway
over street; toothbrush in drugs and toilet-articles department, on
balcony, reached by moving stairway, which you will find on your right
as you pass the fountain in the florist shop in the center of the main
floor."

DESTINATION

Where'er I go, in this far land,
The people wish to understand
Where I am going. If I knew
They would not think my answer true;
And if I said I did not know
They would advise me not to go.

The new guard was not familiar with a certain railway run in Wales. Came
to a station which rejoiced in the name Llanfairfechanpwllgogerych. For
a few minutes he stood looking at the signboard in mute helplessness.
Then pointing to the board, and waving his other arm toward the
carriages, he called, "If there's anybody there for here, this is it!"

DETECTIVES

HOKUS--"How does Sleuthpup rank as a detective?"