in my confidence and help me in my troubles. But by noon he had
broken his glasses, worn blisters on both heels, scraped his shins,
lost his new fishing reel, sunk a rowboat, scalded his mouth, burned
his bald spot in the sun and torn the seat out of his trousers, so
I think he must have postponed whatever he had to say of an intimate
nature.

"If writers and lecturers only knew the suffering they bring to
impressionable parents by goading them into trying to be their boys'
chums they certainly would cease their efforts out of sheer pity."

FAULTS

"Everybody has his faults," said Uncle Eben. "De principal difference
in folks is whether dey's sorry for 'em or proud of 'em."

It is so easy to find fault that self-respecting persons ought to be
ashamed to waste their energies in that way.

It only takes a few minutes to find in others the faults we can't
discover in ourselves in a lifetime.

A widely known Highland drover sold a horse to an Englishman.

A few days afterward the buyer returned to him.

"You said that horse had no faults."

"Well, no mair had he."

"He's nearly blind!" said the indignant Englishman.

"Why, mon, that's no' his fau't--that's his misfortune."

FEES

_See_ Tips.

FICTION

The husband was seeing his beloved wife off for a holiday. "Maggie,
dear," he said, "hadn't you better take some fiction with you to while
away the time?"

"Oh, no, George," she said, "you'll be sending me some letters."

FIGHTING

"Brudder Perkins, yo' been fightin', I heah," said the colored
minister.

"Yaas, Ah wuz."

"Doan yo' 'membeh whut de good book sez 'bout turnin' de odder cheek?"

"Yaas, pahson, but he hit me on mah nose, an' I'se only got one."

"Why do you look so sorrowful, Dennis?" asked one man of another.

"I just hear-r-d wan man call another man a liar, and the man that
was called a liar said the other man would have to apologize, or there
would be a fight."

"And why should that make you so sad?"

"The other man apologized."

"Johnny, it was very wrong for you and the boy next door to fight."

"We couldn't help it, father."

"Could you not have settled your differences by a peaceful discussion
of the matter, calling in the assistance of unprejudiced opinion, if
need be?"

"No, father. He was sure he could whip me and I was sure I could whip
him, and there was only one way to find out."

"So you've been fighting again! Didn'