servation, "you've been swindled; he's an old
one."

THE VISITOR--"Does your new baby brother cry much, Ethel?"

LITTLE ETHEL--"He cries when you stick pins in him or make faces
at him or bounce him up and down. But what can you expect? He's too
little to swear."

Maggie had a new baby brother, which everybody agreed was such a baby
as had never been seen before. One day the baby was being weighed, and
Maggie asked what that was for.

"Oh," said her father, "Uncle George has taken a great fancy to baby,
and he's offered to buy him for a shilling an ounce."

Maggie looked startled. "You're not going to sell him, are you,
daddy?"

"Of course not, precious," answered daddy, proud to see his little
girl loved her brother so.

"No. Keep him till he gets a bit bigger," the child went on; "he'll
fetch more money then."

INFLUENZA

A hospital doctor writes in the Ontario Post that one of his patients
had had the flu. He was seen walking around wearily. When he was asked
what was wrong, he said: "Ah done had de Spanish flu." "That so?" he
was asked; "what is the Spanish flu like, Sam?" "The flu?" said Sam;
"don't you all know what de flu is? Why, it's a disease dat makes you
sick six months after you gets well."

"Were you very sick with the 'flu,' Rastus?"

"Sick, sick! Man, Ah was so sick mos' ebery night Ah look in dat er
casualty list for mah name."

INHERITANCE

During the battle of Paschendaele a seriously wounded Gordon
Highlander was brought into one of the Canadian dressing stations. The
surgeon noticed he was wearing a fine gold wrist watch. "Where did you
get that, Scotty?" he asked.

Scotty merely smiled at the time, but, on being told that the chances
were against him, he later confided the story to the doctor.

"I took a Heine prisoner who was wearin' yon watch. 'Wull ye gie me
it?' I eskit him. He shookit his heed. I eskit him the second time.
He shookit his heed again. 'For the third and last time, as a
gentlemaun,' I sez, 'will ye gie me thot watch?' Heine shookit his
head."

"But you got it?"

"Weel efter thot I simply inherited it."

INITIATIVE

_Not Self-Starters_

FIRST CITIZEN--"You can't stop a man from thinking!"

SECOND DITTO--"No, but the difficulty is to start him!"

INSOMNIA

BARK--"So you have been cured of your insomnia? It must be an immense
relief."

CARR--"You've said it. Why, I lie awake half the night thinking how I
used