, with a
chuckle.

For a moment there was silence. Then the lady remarked, slowly:

"Well, it would all depend on what sort of a man it was. Some of them
she could have seen through easily enough."

A little girl wrote the following composition on men:

"Men are what women marry. They drink and smoke and swear, but don't
go to church. Perhaps if they wore bonnets they would. They are more
logical than women, also more zoological. Both men and women sprang
from monkeys, but the women sprang farther than the men."

_Essay on Man_

At ten, a child; at twenty, wild;
At thirty, tame, if ever;
At forty, wise; at fifty, rich;
At sixty, good, or never!

_See also_ Husbands.

METHODISTS

He came of good Methodist stock and they were telling him about the
disciples. They told him quite a lot about them, and somehow he didn't
seem quite satisfied.

At last he voiced his trouble:

"But were they all Disciples? Weren't there _any_ Methodists?"

MIDDLEMAN

"The first shall be last and the last shall be first," quoted the
devout citizen.

"It makes no difference to me how you arrange 'em," replied the expert
commercialist. "I'll get mine either way. I'm the middleman."

"Pop!"

"Yes, my son."

"What is a gardener?"

"A gardener is a man who raises a few things, my boy."

"And what is a farmer?"

"A man who raises a lot of things."

"Well, what is a middleman, Pop?"

"Why, he's a fellow who raises everything, my son."

MILITARISM

VILLAGE PACIFIST (as the Salvation Army passes)--"Oh, it's all right.
I ain't sayin' 'taint. But it's fosterin' th' martial speerit jes' th'
same."--_Judge_.

MILITARY DISCIPLINE

A colored gentleman was walking post for the first time in his life. A
dark form approached him.

"Halt!" he cried in a threatening tone. "Who are you?"

"The officer of the day."

"Advance!"

The O.D. advanced, but before he had proceeded half a dozen steps the
dusky sentinel again cried, "Halt!"

"This is the second time you have halted me," observed the O.D. "What
are you going to do next?"

"Never you mind what Ah's gonna do. Mah orders are to call 'Halt!'
three times, den shoot."

At twelve the other night one of our aviators who had liberty
until ten-thirty was "hot-footin'" it back from a hop harbor in a
neighboring ville. He passed the tracks, the "Y," and then started on
the double past the sentry at the gate