, but every day in the year is movie day.

SLAPSTICK DIRECTOR--"Can't you suggest a novel from which we could
adapt a comedy?"

COMEDIAN--"My memory isn't very accurate, but isn't there a book
called 'Alice Threw the Looking-glass'?"

MOVIE OPERATOR--"What shall I do with this film? There is a tear in it
that cuts right through the hero's nose!"

CLEVER MANAGER--"Ha! just the thing! Bill it as a feature in two
parts."

PROMOTER--"I have here a scheme for revamping old films."

MANAGER--"Beat it! I'm too busy refilming old vamps."

An old couple from the country wandered into a moving picture show in
town. As they entered a cow-boy picture was being shown.

The old lady laid a restraining hand on her husband's arm.

"Bill," she said, "let's not go too far down in front; the dust those
horses are kickin' up is somethin' awful. My clothes'll be ruined!"

"Here's another book on _How to Get into the Movies_."

"Why on earth doesn't somebody write a book on how to get a seat after
you do get in?"

Mr. and Mrs. Todd were debating whether the movie they had just seen
was a new or old production.

"The leading woman wore two or three gowns that are very much in
vogue," Mrs. Todd reminded her husband.

He remained firm, however.

"There wasn't any excitement when the cocktails were served," he said.

"I can," said the bashful young man to the director of the film
company, "swim, dive, run an auto, fly an aeroplane, fence, box,
shoot, ride a horse, run a motor-boat, play golf, fight, make love,
fall off cliffs, rescue heroines, play football, die naturally, and
kiss a girl."

"But," interrupted the famous director, "can you _act_?"

"Alas!" muttered the would-be screen hero, "I never thought of
_that_."

"Engaged," growled the director, and another screen star was
born.--_Life_.

_See also_ Actors and actresses; Advertising; Signs.

MULES

"Is you gwine ter let dat mewel do as he pleases?" asked Uncle
Ephraim's wife.

"Wha's you will-power?"

"My will-power's all right" he answered "You jes' want ter come out
hyar an' measure dis mewel's won't power."

Somewhere in France a tall negro dough-boy was trying to pull to his
feet a mule who persisted obstinately in sitting down. The darkey
tugged and strained but the mule remained obdurate. Finally the man
desisted and glaring at the mule, remarked "As you were, mule, as you
were."

"What's become of your chauffeur?"

"