man.

"Thank goodness!" fervently exclaimed one man, resuming his
seat.--_Everybody's_.

NATIONALITY

"But are you an American citizen?" angrily demanded the official at
the passport office.

"My mother was American"--began the applicant.

"Yes, yes"--

"But she married a Frenchman"--

"Yes."

"In Italy."

"Yes; but where were you born?"

"I was born on a ship flying Spanish colors while she was lying at
anchor in Honolulu Harbor, but my parents died in Brazil when I was
only four years old and I was adopted by a Chinaman, who brought me up
in Russia"--

"Well, he's"--began an official.

"He's a bloomin' League of Nations!" exploded the official who had
first spoken.

NATURAL LAWS

CHARLIE--"What you say just goes in one ear and out the other."

JOHNNY--"Impossible!"

"Why?"

"Sound can't cross a vacuum, you know, old fellow."

"Say, dad, what keeps us from falling off the earth when we are upside
down?"

"Why, the law of gravity, of course."

"Well, how did folks stay on before the law was passed?"

NEGROES

Miss Annette Benton, on returning from a visit, brought a gift to each
of her mother's colored servants. It was the "day out" for Lily, the
housemaid, so Annette distributed her gifts, reserving for Lily a
scarlet-silk blouse.

"That won't do," said Mrs. Benton. "Lily's in mourning."

"Mourning?"

"Yes, for her husband; he died in jail, and Lily's wearing a long
crape veil."

When Lily returned, her young mistress expressed regret. "I'll give
the blouse to Lizzie," she said, "and get you something else."

Lily looked at the blouse, then she swallowed. "Don't you give that
blouse to no Lizzie, Miss Annette, cos nex' mont' I'se gwine outa
mournin' from the waist up."--_Harper's_.

"G'wan, nigger, you-all ain't got no sense nohow."

"Ain't got no sense? Whut's dis yere haid for?"

"Dat thing? Dat ain't no haid, nigger; dat's jes er button on top er
yo body ter keep yer backbone from unravelin'."

OLD DARKY (to shiftless son)--"I hearn tell you is married. Is you?"

SON (ingratiatingly)--"I ain't sayin' I ain't."

OLD DARKY (severely)--"I ain't ask you is you ain't; I ask you ain't
you is."

PARSON BLACK (sternly)--"Did you come by dat watehmelyun honestly,
Bruddeh Bingy?"

THE MELON TOTER--"'Deed I did, pahson; ebry day fo' nigh on two
weeks!"--_Puck_.

A Minneapolis laundress, a negro woman, patriotic supporter of the Red
Cross, w