e child up.

"Auntie," said the doctor, "your baby seems badly spoiled."

"No, suh! No, suh!" remonstrated the mother. "All little cullud babies
smell dat way!"

_See also_ Chicken stealing.

NEIGHBORS

"But I don't know you, madam," the bank cashier said to the woman who
had presented a check.

The woman, however, instead of saying haughtily, "I do not wish your
acquaintance, sir," merely replied, with an engaging smile:

"Oh, yes, you do, I think. I'm the 'red-headed old virago' next door
to you, whose scoundrelly little boys are always reaching through the
fence and picking your flowers. When you started for town this morning
your wife said: 'Now, Henry, if you want a dinner fit to eat this
evening you'll have to leave me a little money. I can't keep this
house on plain water and sixpence a day.'"

Christianity teaches us to love our neighbor as ourself; modern
society acknowledges no neighbor.--_Beaconsfield_.

"I'm quite a near neighbor of yours now," said Mr. Bore.

"I'm living just across the river."

"Indeed," replied Miss Smart. "I hope you'll drop in some day."

NEW JERSEY

Misunderstandings with New Jersey people are sure to result if
visitors mistake chicken wire for mosquito netting.

NEW YORK CITY

Mr. Edmund Hornung was in New York several days over Sunday.

That's where they travel fast, I'm telling you.

SILAS (in a whisper)--"Did you git a peep at the underworld at all
while you wuz in New York, Ezry?"

EZRA--"Three times! Subway twice an' ratscellar once."

"I see New York did considerable begging for one of those reserve
banks."

"What of it?"

"Oh, nothing, New York used to dictate."

CUBIST TEACHER--"Can anyone give an impressionistic definition of New
York?"

BRIGHT PUPIL--"A small body of limousines almost entirely surrounded
by Fords."

FIRST SOUTHERNER--"Were you in New York long enough to feel at home?"

SECOND SOUTHERNER--"Yes, sir; why, I got so I could keep my seat in
the cars with a lady standing and not even think about it."

An Ohio newspaper editor spent a few days in New York, and while there
somebody asked him how he liked the big town.

"I care for it very little," replied the editor. "Did you ever think
of this: Suppose you lived in New York and wanted to go fishing. Where
would you go to dig a can of worms?"

"I hear you want a room clerk."

"No, we never have any rooms. What we want is a clerk who can