n a small boy
named Jimmy Brown.

"James," she said, "write on the board, 'Richard can ride the mule if
he wants to.'"

"Now," continued the teacher when Jimmy had finished writing, "can you
find a better form for that sentence?"

"Yes, ma'am, I think I can," was the prompt answer. "'Richard can ride
the mule if the mule wants him to.'"

A mule-skinner in France was trying to drive a mule, with a wagon
load, through a hospital gate. The mule would do anything but pass
through the gate.

"Want any 'elp, chum?" shouted one of the hospital orderlies.

"No," replied the driver; "but I'd like to know how Noah got two of
these blighters into the Ark!"

"Why don't you get rid of that mule?" asked one Virginia darky of
another.

"Well, yo' see, Jim," replied the other, "I hates to give in. Ef I was
to trade dat mule off he'd regard it as a pussunal victory. He's been
tryin' fo' de last six weeks to get rid of me."

MUSHROOMS

Johnny Jones, you know, was studying botany, and he declared that he
had an infallible way to tell the difference between mushrooms and
toadstools.

"When you git vi'lent spasms," said little Johnny, "with cramps,
swelling of the feet and partial loss of vision ending in insanity and
death--then it ain't mushrooms."

MUSIC

HE--"Most girls, I have found, don't appreciate real music."

SECOND HE--"Why do you say that?"

HE--"Well, you may pick beautiful strains on a mandolin for an hour,
and she won't even look out of the window, but just one honk of a horn
and--out she comes!"

Music is the language of the soul; jazz is its profanity.

"How do you sell your music?"

"We sell piano music by the pound and organ music by the choir."

"Samantha, what's thet chune the orchestry's a-playin' now?"

"The program says its 'Choppin', Hiram."

"Waal--mebbe--but ter me it sounds a deal more like sawin'."

While Chopin probably did not time his "Minute Waltz" to exactly
sixty seconds, some auditors insist that it lives up to its name. Mme.
Theodora Surkow-Ryder on one of her tours played the "Minute Waltz"
as an encore, first telling her audience what it was. Thereupon a huge
man in a large riding suit took out an immense silver watch, held it
open almost under her nose, and gravely proceeded to time her. The
pianist's fingers flew along the keys, and her anxiety was rewarded
when the man closed the watch with a loud slap and said in a booming
voice: "Gosh! She