"little things"
Has lost his voice like the girl who sings;
When stilled is the breath of the cornet-man,
And the shrilling chords of the quartette clan;
When our neighbors' children have lost their drums
Oh, what will we do when the good time comes?
Oh, what will we do in that good blithe time,
When the tramp will work--oh, thing sublime!
And the scornful dame who stands on your feet
Will "Thank you, sir," for the profered seat;
And the man you hire to work by the day,
Will allow you to do his work your way;
And the cook who trieth your appetite
Will steal no more than she thinks is right;
When the boy you hire will call you "Sir,"
Instead of "Say" and "Guverner";
When the funny man is humorsome--
How can we stand the millennium?

--_Robert J. Burdette_.

MILLINERS

"Madam," announced the new maid, "your husband is lying unconscious in
the reception hall, with a large box beside him and crushing a paper
in his hand."

"Ah," cried her mistress in ecstacy, "my new hat has come."

MILLIONAIRES

_The Idle Rich_

The teacher asked his pupils to write an essay, telling what they
would do if they had five million dollars.

Every pupil except little William Powers began writing immediately.
William sat idle, twiddling his fingers and watching the flies on the
ceiling.

Teacher collected the papers, and William handed in a blank sheet.

"How is this, William?" asked teacher. "Is this your essay? Every
other pupil has written two sheets or more, while you have done
nothing!"

"Well," replied William, "that's what I would do if I were a
millionaire!"

"WILLIE," asked a New York teacher of one of her pupils, "how many
make a million?"

"Not many," said Willie with a grin.

MINISTERS

_See_ Clergy.

MISERS

Amos Whittaker, a miserly millionaire, was approached by a friend who
used his most persuasive powers to have him dress more in accordance
with his station in life.

"I am surprised, Amos," said the friend "that you should allow
yourself to become shabby."

"But I'm not shabby," firmly interposed the millionaire miser.

"Oh, but you are," returned his old friend. "Remember your father. He
was always neatly, even elaborately, dressed. His clothes were always
finely tailored and of the best material."

"Why," shouted the miser, triumphantly, "these clothes I've got on
were father's!"

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

"No man i